After listening to the promises Pak made, my world had - all of a sudden – changed for the better. The next couple of weeks were spent smiling, instead of frowning about what a fuck all project I had ended up in.
Before I narrate what happened at the end of those “couple of weeks” – let me narrate what all stuff happened during those weeks, and a couple of events from the previous weeks.
Samesh Balluri had started this little movement called “Know the PespiCo account”. Basically, what he wanted was for everyone in the different projects in the account, to know what else was going on in the other teams. This would help people share their knowledge and also move to teams or projects of their interest. To cut a long story short, it was PR (public relations) ploy which was in effect a waste of everyone’s time – or atleast I felt so!
Just to give you a foreword, Samesh was very talented at fooling PespiCo people into giving Diapro huge contracts. But, hey, that was his job, and all I can say was that he was way too good at it! And thanks to his talents, there were one too many projects in the account. But, like all the overachievers, he was a victim to his own success. His success at getting a lot of projects had raised the expectation bar from his managers/seniors. And this had resulted in him trying to iron out every possible dollar for PespiCo folks in terms of getting new and new projects.
So, now, he was at this juncture where he was not able to get any more projects. That’s when the whole idea of “Know the PespiCo account” came into his head. This way, more people get to know about the different projects in the account and thereby, are able to identify which are the potential areas where we could get more business/projects. In short, Samesh employed the “Two heads are better than one!” concept on a larger scale. All this wrapped in a PR ploy. How much more shrewd can one get!
Samesh – Hats off to you mate!
So, now to the part that I hate. How Samesh planed to conduct these “Know the PespiCo account” sessions was by getting everyone in the team to stay back on Thursday’s (the meeting’s were scheduled to occur between 6.30 PM to 8 PM ) and getting people in the corresponding project to talk about their roles and the business scenarios they catered to. Kind of reminded me of my “Seminar” presentation back in college!
Now, I might be foolish enough to have fallen for his PR trick. But, even that was not going to be enough to convince me to stay after 6 pm. On asking around, I was told that if I bunked one-too-many sessions, Samesh would not be very happy, and this would show in terms of a messed up hike.
Working at Diapro instills a few things in you. And one of them is ***Not*** to expect anything in terms of monetary returns – be it hikes, or even salary for that matter. But, given that I was taking home around 9K odd bucks, the thought of pleasing Samesh and taking home that that extra 2 or 3 % (to be read as another 200 or 300 rupees) seemed romantic enough to convince me to stay for those brain fuck meetings.
Most of these meetings didn’t last more than 30 to 45 mins. But, if I were to wait for the company provided travel – I’d have to wait till 8.30 PM. But, personally speaking, I am not a very patient guy. And ergo, on Thursday’s I generally commute by my bike. This helps me get home as soon as the dumb meetings got over.
Oh … And no description of the meeting would be complete without mentioning what I used to do at these meetings. Heck, not just me – every there used to do the same thing – “Switch your brains off and Sleep with your eyes open!” Seriously, I mean it. For people who can’t fathom how to sleep with your eyes open – try enrolling yourselves for Engineering College. 4 years of listening to stupid old lecturers talking about stuff neither they, nor anyone else in the class, cared about can do wonders in terms of teaching you such wanton skills. Trust me – by year # 3 – it becomes second nature to any engineering student!
Ok … Back to the main story!
So … One of those weeks, my roomies had gone home for something. And staying alone is just not something I am very fond off. So, to kill time and beat boredom, I had decided to stay the week with my aunt.
By now, we were well into the second month of the stupid PR drill that Samesh had envisaged. On one of those Thursday’s, the meeting got extended beyond 8.30 PM. Supposedly, the person at onsite was completely “involved” in the presentation and didn’t notice that we had overshot the stipulated time frame. But, trust me when I say, everyone else in the room – except ofcourse the managers and ofcourse Samesh Balluri himself – were irritated to the core at the idiot at onsite going on and on and on about how great his project was and how we could get more business by offering certain “extra modules” to the existing application.
To be honest – in my mind, I had already killed the onsite bugger by running him over by a Paandi lorry!!! (@#$@#%$#@$#$@#$@#)
But, to cut a long story short, since the managers were still there – we had no choice but to stay back.
At the end of the meeting – which by the way wrapped up at around 8.50 PM – everyone had missed the last Diapro shuttle, and the only way out was to wait till 10 PM – because that’s when they could take the company provided Cab service.
Thankfully for me, I had my bike. Translated it meant – unlike the losers who’d have to wait till 10 o clock, I’d be leaving right now.
Just as I was about to leave, Sujatha raps me on the shoulders and asks
Suj: “Aren’t you staying at Kodambakkam”
Me: “I stay at Guindy. But this week, I’m staying with at my aunts’ place at Kodambakkam.”
Suj: “Oh … Ok … You’ve got a bike right?
Me: “Yeah …”
Suj: “Are you heading home now?”
Me: “You bet I am …”
Suj: “Oh good … Then can you give me a lift please?”
This was the first time I had heard Sujatha speak so nicely to me. And just for that reason I said “Yes”
Suj: “Great … you get your bike and wait by the main gate. I’ll just get my stuff and come.”
Me: “Fine … Just don’t delay it. I’m not too fond of waiting.”
That said - I headed over to the canteen for a quick snack. And yes – I knew that if Suj did indeed rush to her place get her stuff and head to the main gate, she’d end up having to wait for me. “Serves her right!!! After all – she had not been very nice to me over the last 3 – 4 months. Let her wait for some time!!!” was what was going through my mind.
But, after a nice and relaxed snack, I got my bike and headed over to the main gate – No Sujatha. “What the fuck??? Where is she??? Maybe she left! I should probably call her to confirm that. Then, I can leave without spoiling the relationship even more!”
So, I pick up the phone and dial her number.
Me: “Sujatha. I’m at the main gate. Where are you?”
Suj: “Oh … I’m so sorry … I had to send out a couple of e-mails. I’ll just come out in 5 minutes! Please do wait?”
What the heck … I had spent a good 15 mins at the canteen just to tick her off. And it turns off – the little rascal had completely forgotten that I was “probably” waiting for her at the main gate. Heck – I think she was trying to tick me off!!!
But, since she didn’t know that I had not been waiting for her for the last 15 minutes’, I decided to use it to my advantage!
(Sly me eh!!!)
Me: “What??? I told you I am not very fond of waiting. I’ve been waiting for the last 15 minutes now. Please – just come right now! You can send your mails in the morning!”
Suj: “Sorry … But these are important client mails. I have to send them before I leave. Just give me 5 more minutes’ man!
Me: “Can’t you hitch a ride with someone else?”
Suj: “Ok … Ok … I’m done … I’m coming … Just need to grab my stuff!”
Me: “Oh … Whatever!!!”
I still had to wait another 5 minutes before she came out. My guess is that, she told me that she’s heading out and then continued with her e-mail. Grrrrrrrrrrr … I felt like a total looooooooooooooser!!!
Moving on …
When Suj finally did come, it was a really weird sight. Let me take a moment of your imagination to describe how it looked. Ever seen people selling plastic wares (door to door sales i.e.)? They’re the ones who generally carry stuff in both hands, another big basket on their head and yet another basket on their shoulder.
What I was seeing was pretty much the same minus the head load. Seriously, on her shoulders - she was carrying this huuuuuuuuuuge black purse of hers. One hand clung on to a huuuuuuuuuuuuge lunch bag. Another bag was clutching on similarly huge linen bag.
At this sight – I was left wondering – “Why in the world did I say - yes … I’ll give you a ride!!!”
But, that’s not the end of it. Let me describe Sujatha’s stature. She’s about 5.2”. My bike was about 4 feet high. As you can guess – she’d probably need a ladder to climb on to that – especially with that much load. So, guess what – I ended up having to hold on to her luggage – then help her onto the bike.
Sujatha – like a champ – was sitting at the farthest possible spot on the bike. For those who ride 2 wheelers with a pillion, I’m sure you’ll understand that making you pillion sit away from you is inviting disaster. For those who don’t know – the farther you sit from the rider, the more unstable your bike becomes (Centre of Gravity concept).
And thanks to Sujatha’s stature – I had a bad feeling that my bike was just about to perform a wheelie. For the uneducated – a wheelie is when a 2 wheeler drives on just one wheel. In layman’s terms – my bike’s rear end was so bloody overloaded that it was about to flip backside!!!
The only way to resolve it was to ask her to move closer to the center of the seat.
Me: “Could you move a little closer to me?”
Suj: “Why? I’m comfortable here!”
I hope you’ll all understand when I say – I was thinking - “I’m comfortable here!! You little idiot … I have a good mind to push you off the bike and just leave! No girl has ever gotten on my bike … Why did I have to start by giving this bitch a ride!!!”
Me: “Sujatha. If you don’t move closer to the center, it becomes very difficult to drive as the bike is very unstable when pillion sits far off from the rider!”
Suj: “Fine …”
With this she moves an inch closer. I thought she doesn’t have enough space to move closer and that my backpack could be the possible culprit.
Me: “Hey … Do you want me to remove my backpack so that you can be more comfortable?”
Suj: “No … Why’d you want to do that. I’m comfortable as I am. Please just drive!”
With this statement – she placed her big fat purse between us. The reaction that evoked was what made me realize that she probably smelt a rat. Now, I not only had a hurt ego, but also a big fat ladies purse poking into my spine!
I’d lost interest in arguing with her. I was too tired and fed up to fight. So, I just started the engine and teed off.
To be honest, for the first 10 minutes of the drive, I was just thinking to myself – “How the hell did she think I was trying to hit on her … Worse – take advantage of her riding with me!”
Finally, to soothe my ego – It ended up as “I have better tastes you know … I’m not that fucking desperate!!!”
But, justice be done, I wouldn’t blame Suj for thinking like that. After all, I was a renowned flirt in the account. And she had every right to misinterpret my goodwill gestures!
Anyways … A few minutes into the drive, I tried to make small talk. You know – the regular stuff. What do you do over weekends, your interests, etc, etc, etc … Initially she was hesitant in talking, but a little prod here and a little coaxing there ended up opening Suj up. By the end of the drive, she was talking freely and even laughing – Now that’s something I never saw coming.
:D
So, finally, as we came close to Kodambakkam, I asked her
Me: “Where’s your house? I’ll drop you there.”
Suj: “That’s okay … Just drop me off at the corner near the Supermarket. I’ll walk home from there!”
Maybe I hated her guts. But, it was around 9.30 by the time we got to Kodambakkam. And the chivalry and gentlemanliness in me didn’t allow me to drop her at some place where I wasn’t 101% sure about her safety. I mean … I just wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if something had happened to anyone I’d just given a lift – just because I was lazy to not drop them off at their door steps which was probably a few hundred meters away!
Me: “Sujatha … I am not very comfortable leaving you at such a place and that too at this time of the day. If you don’t mind, I’ll leave you at your flat itself.”
Suj: “It’s okay … Really!!!”
Thanks to the event earlier on, I somehow thought that she didn’t trust me and that why she didn’t want to tell me where exactly she lived. Maybe she thought I was a stalker or something!
:(
Me: “Please … I insist … I won’t even ask for coffee!!!”
Suj: “Well … In that case … If you’re ok with it – take the next left!”
A couple of left and rights, and we finally reached her flat. I, obviously, had to help her get off the bike as well.
Me: “Goodnight … See you at work!”
Suj: “Why don’t you come up? My mom makes the best coffee!”
Me: (with a smile) “I promised I won’t ask for coffee! Maybe next time”
Suj: “Ha ha ha … Ok then … See you tomorrow!”
Me: “Bye then …”
And I zipped away to my aunts’ place.
After that night, the way Sujatha started behaving with me changed drastically. She no longer gave me a shmuck look. Where there used to be a look of disgust, there was always a smile.
I guess my act of chivalry made her realize and feel that I’m not all that bad after all. From that point, my friendship with Sujatha grew leaps and bounds. And today – she’s my best friend, as I am hers!
:)
Suj … Thanks for being there for me during all those crisis moments!!!
(Ok … Before I get ultra mushy and start crying, I better move on to the next chapters!)
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Liar Liar - starring Pakhir Siddick
If I remember right, it was a Wednesday when I went to talk to Pak about my dilemma. But, as managers always are, he was expecting me. I walked into his cube around 11 am.
Me: “Pak … You got a minute?”
Pak: Sure … Sit down!”
Me: “Thanks …”
Pak: “What’s this about?”
I knew the bugger was feigning innocence; after all, it was just the previous day that Vrunda had asked me to talk to Pak about my concerns.
Me: “Well … It’s about the project I am in right now.”
Pak: “What about it?”
Me: “Well … Honestly – I don’t think I fit into the project. And to be even blunter, I want a release from the project!!!”
Pak: (With a completely shocked look on his face) “What are you saying? You’ve just been on this project for 4 months now. You can’t do this to me!”
His astonished look and the way he put his statements (“You can’t do this to me!”) made me go on my back foot.
Me: “I mean Pak … You see … This project is not helping me meet my career goals!”
Pak: “What goals?”
Me: “Well … I want to be in a project with scope for growth, which is very challenging, potential for recognition, and a good chance of landing me onsite! And honestly speaking, I don’t see any of those happening whilst I am on this project!”
Pak: “That’s not true. This is an excellent project.”
Me: (Slightly irritated at his stubbornness) “Maybe to you … But, I beg to differ on your viewpoint!”
Pak was a manager, and he knew better than to argue with me when I was in an agitated and irritated state. Instead, he knew the best solution was to cajole me, and that’s precisely what he did.
Pak: “See … It’s not a big deal getting into a development project. Just take a look at your friends here who are on DEV projects. They’re sweating their ass out. No sleep, no rest. Just work, work and more work. Is that what you want to get into?”
Me: “Well … I do agree to the point that they’re overworked, but they’re learning a lot of things I am not, and probably will never learn as long as I am on this project!”
Pak: “Oh … So I see, you want to learn is it. That can be solved without you having to leave the project.”
Me: “What are you talking about Pak?”
Pak: “Well … You wanted to learn stuff. There are so many internal projects we have going on in our account … I will put you as a LEAD DEVELOPER into one of those projects. That will help you learn all the latest technologies, and even a good amount of application designing and architecture.”
Muhahahaha … If Pak had done his bit of preparation and rehearsals, so had I. I knew he would try to smoulder me saying he’d put me on some stupid internal projects.
For the Non-IT crowd reading this, you probably don’t know what an Internal Project is. I’ve written in detail about that in one of my earlier chapters. Please scan back and check the same. But if you, like me, are just too lazy to do that and just want to know what the heck it means – just understand it’s a waste of ones time!!!
By now, I had become very bold (read as I was no longer bothered about trying not to offend him with my statements)
Me: “Pak … No offense meant. But, I don’t want to play any part in any of the internal projects here. At the risk of sounding rude - I’ve been onboard long enough to know that none of those projects ever take off!!!”
Pak: “How can you say that … I don’t know whether you have heard of Diapro Invoice Processing System? It is a very complex internal project that we are using!”
Me: “Ummmm … Pak … I was a developer on that project. And by the time we finished something in the project, the clients changed their billing standards and our application was scraped.”
Pak: (With a stupid look on his face, caressing his beard) “Hmmmmmmm …“
Me: “Do you have any idea how irritating and heartbreaking it is to have your 1.5 months effort scrapped without even telling you about it!!!”
Pak: “But, if clients change their business, we have no other way but to accept it.”
He went to on tell me the regular manager stuff like – “Change is the only thing that is constant” and that “One needs to adapt to change, else you’re wiped out like a slate”. I wouldn’t blame him for saying stuff like this. He was a manager, and the only things managers say is nonsensical, doesn’t-make-any-sense, bullshit like this!!!
Me: “Whatever Pak … If it were a billable client project, I don’t think things like would happen. Plus, since the requirements are a lot stricter, I get to learn a lot more things than I ever would on an internal project.”
I was building my case very well, and it was Pak who was going on his back-foot. I wanted to pat myself on my back for the wonderful job.
But, again, I repeat – Pak was a manager. And one of the manager’s key skills is to offer a fucked-up alternative solution and portray it as the best thing that could happen to me. After all, that’s how they convince all those million dollar clients to give us millions of dollars in terms of project revenue!
Pak: “What if I put you on a billable DEV project?”
Me: “I’m listening … Please tell me your plan.”
Pak: “There are a lot of billable projects going on. I can put you as a shadow resource in one of the projects. That way, you can work on those projects, and still remain billable in your current role!”
For those who don’t know what a shadow resource is, let me take a moment to explain.
To win a project/contract, our managers tell the customer that a certain project work – which would need 6 months development effort using a team of 20 skilled developers – can be done using 15 developers in 3 months time.
From the client’s perspective, they save up a lot on the billing costs. (Just a simple calc will tell you that!). And from Diapro management perspective, they’ve just sealed a contract – which means a lot more influx of cash. (But - I am tempted to say - from a developer perspective, it means HELL!!!)
Now, you’d probably wondering how does one manage to finish a project that would ordinarily take 6 months and 20 people working on it in 3 months and that too using 15 developers. This is where the shadow resources kick in. These people work on the project – unknown or known to the client – but do not get “billed”. Since these people are based of India, and also keeping in mind that Diapro pays us peanuts anyways – the extra cost incurred is negligible as compared to the risk of having lost to a competitor like Accenture or IBM.
By now, you’ve probably understood how we end up having the 20 resources needed for the project (15 Billable and 5 Shadow), but, I presume you’re wondering how 6 months work is done in 3 months or less.
Hmmmmmmm …. Good question … Let me try to explain in a lighter tone. Everyone must have done or atleast seen kids catching dragonflies and making them lift tiny pebbles. Some of the crueler kids make the dragonflies lift large boulders. Let me just say – those kids end up as excellent managers, and the poor dragonfly ends up as a software developer!!!
Now … Back to main story!
Me: “Sounds good to me. But, please, I don’t want to be put in some silly support or enhancement projects.”
Pak: “Don’t worry about that. I will put you in good development projects. But, I warn you, it would mean you’ll have to stretch and come on Saturday’s and Sunday’s.” (With a discouraging tone)
Me: “I would be happy to do that – As long as I am learning something out of these projects!”
Pak: “Just you wait. I will blow your mind with so much of work that you’ll come running to me and beg to have you released from the shadow resource roles.”
Me: “I can assure you that will not happen!”
Pak: “Let’s see about that!!!” (With a wicked grin)
By now, Pak had partly diffused the situation. I was ready to head back content with the answer, or solution as I would like to think of it, I had gotten from him.
But, I knew that Porrotta Systems Baseline Support was a shit hole. And that too a very stinking one!
So, I decided – not to fall for his managerial tricks, and to persist in my efforts and see if I could get released somehow or the other.
Me: “But Pak … that still leaves us with this project not meeting my other goals!”
Pak: “See … Once you start working on these DEV projects, and you work hard and smart enough, recognitions and promotions will come on its own!”
Damn … He had played a very smart move. I had to make a counter move soon. Else – It was check mate. And I knew precisely the trick!
Me: “It’s not the recognition I am worried about. What about me getting to go onsite. This project has a 1 year commitment. I see all my friends and batch mates and even people who joined after me flying onsite. I don’t want this project to be an iron that weighs me down when everyone is flying to abroad and making tons of cash.”
Pak: “Don’t worry about that all. Just give me a maximum of 3 months, and I will send you onsite from Porrotta Systems Baseline Support itself. Take my word for it.”
I was at a loss for words!!! I didn’t think it was possible. But, now that Pak had assured me he would send me onsite from the same project, things suddenly started looking very green.
Me: “Wow … Music to my ears! But Pak, just curious, Mandhya and Vrunda handle all the activities onsite. How do you intend to send me onsite from Porrotta Systems Baseline Support? I personally don’t see any way out”
Pak: “Why do you want to worry yourself with unnecessary things? Leave those things to me. Just understand that in another 3 to 4 months you will be flying abroad! That’s all I can assure you!”
Me: “Works with me Pak. Thanks for everything. So, just to recap, you’ll give me a notification on which DEV project I can go into in another 2 to 3 weeks time, and you’ve just told me that in another 3 – 4 months you’ll send me onsite.”
Pak: “Yup … That’s right!”
Me: “Thanks once again for your time Pak. This meeting has done a great deal to boost my morale.”
Pak: “I feel like a Shrink. But, glad to be of help?”
I hadn’t heard the term Shrink. And thinking it was something offensive or rude, I decided to pick a bone with him.
Me: “Shrink Pak???” (In a very questioning tone)
Pak: “You don’t know what a Shrink is?”
Me: “Well … No!”
Pak: “Well … They’re a sect of psychiatrist who helps people by listening to their problems and suggesting solution to resolve their issues”
Me: “Oh … Like that … So – you’re telling me I’m a nut eh?” (In a joking, more of teasing, fashion)
Pak: “Ha ha … Come on – I didn’t mean that Sharath!” (In a panicky tone!)
Me: “No worries Pak. I was just kidding.”
Pak: “Fine then … See you around!”
Me: “You too … Have a nice day ahead!”
With that, the first thing I wanted to do was to call Savita up and tell her about the news. After all, she was one of the key people who had motivated me to talk to Pak about wanting an Impromptu release.
Me: “Savita … I just spoke to Pak about my release … “
Savita: “And???”
Me: “You Guess???”
Savita: “What’s there to guess? He would’ve said No – You can’t do this to me!”
Me: “How’d you know?”
Savita: “He told me the same thing when I asked for a release after 2.9 years in the same project”
Me: “Oh … But hey … I’ve got good news. I grilled him and he agreed to send me onsite in 3 to 4 months. And in the meanwhile, he agreed to put me as a shadow resource in one of the many good DEV projects here.”
Savita: “Woooooooooooooooow … That is indeed good news. Congrats man!!!”
Although she was congratulating me, there was a tone of jealousy and anger in her tone. Maybe it was because she had been on the same project for over 3 years and had never gotten any assurances like this from Pak. Whereas, I was just 4 months into the project and I had already been assured an overseas opportunity by the senior manager in the account.
But, honestly, I didn’t give a damn what she felt. I was on top of the world, and I was planning to stay there!
Me: “Thanks a lot for the motivation to go and face Pak.”
Savita: “Anytime man.”
Me: “I better get going … I have to celebrate this.”
Savita: “Oh … Ok … Have a rocking time dude!”
Me: “Sure thing Savita … Once again – Thanks a zillion!”
Savita: “No problemo. What are friends for after all?”
Me: “Yeah … Correct. Bye then!”
With that said, I disconnected the call, got on my bike and raced home. En route, I bought a whole lot of beers for myself and my room mates. We had a gala time celebrating the news. My friends were teasing me about finally getting to go to the “United State of America” – the land of opportunity and more importantly horny babes! We were talking about how I might get “lucky” – If you know what I mean!!!
Boy – Was I in for a fucking surprise 2 months down the road!!!
Me: “Pak … You got a minute?”
Pak: Sure … Sit down!”
Me: “Thanks …”
Pak: “What’s this about?”
I knew the bugger was feigning innocence; after all, it was just the previous day that Vrunda had asked me to talk to Pak about my concerns.
Me: “Well … It’s about the project I am in right now.”
Pak: “What about it?”
Me: “Well … Honestly – I don’t think I fit into the project. And to be even blunter, I want a release from the project!!!”
Pak: (With a completely shocked look on his face) “What are you saying? You’ve just been on this project for 4 months now. You can’t do this to me!”
His astonished look and the way he put his statements (“You can’t do this to me!”) made me go on my back foot.
Me: “I mean Pak … You see … This project is not helping me meet my career goals!”
Pak: “What goals?”
Me: “Well … I want to be in a project with scope for growth, which is very challenging, potential for recognition, and a good chance of landing me onsite! And honestly speaking, I don’t see any of those happening whilst I am on this project!”
Pak: “That’s not true. This is an excellent project.”
Me: (Slightly irritated at his stubbornness) “Maybe to you … But, I beg to differ on your viewpoint!”
Pak was a manager, and he knew better than to argue with me when I was in an agitated and irritated state. Instead, he knew the best solution was to cajole me, and that’s precisely what he did.
Pak: “See … It’s not a big deal getting into a development project. Just take a look at your friends here who are on DEV projects. They’re sweating their ass out. No sleep, no rest. Just work, work and more work. Is that what you want to get into?”
Me: “Well … I do agree to the point that they’re overworked, but they’re learning a lot of things I am not, and probably will never learn as long as I am on this project!”
Pak: “Oh … So I see, you want to learn is it. That can be solved without you having to leave the project.”
Me: “What are you talking about Pak?”
Pak: “Well … You wanted to learn stuff. There are so many internal projects we have going on in our account … I will put you as a LEAD DEVELOPER into one of those projects. That will help you learn all the latest technologies, and even a good amount of application designing and architecture.”
Muhahahaha … If Pak had done his bit of preparation and rehearsals, so had I. I knew he would try to smoulder me saying he’d put me on some stupid internal projects.
For the Non-IT crowd reading this, you probably don’t know what an Internal Project is. I’ve written in detail about that in one of my earlier chapters. Please scan back and check the same. But if you, like me, are just too lazy to do that and just want to know what the heck it means – just understand it’s a waste of ones time!!!
By now, I had become very bold (read as I was no longer bothered about trying not to offend him with my statements)
Me: “Pak … No offense meant. But, I don’t want to play any part in any of the internal projects here. At the risk of sounding rude - I’ve been onboard long enough to know that none of those projects ever take off!!!”
Pak: “How can you say that … I don’t know whether you have heard of Diapro Invoice Processing System? It is a very complex internal project that we are using!”
Me: “Ummmm … Pak … I was a developer on that project. And by the time we finished something in the project, the clients changed their billing standards and our application was scraped.”
Pak: (With a stupid look on his face, caressing his beard) “Hmmmmmmm …“
Me: “Do you have any idea how irritating and heartbreaking it is to have your 1.5 months effort scrapped without even telling you about it!!!”
Pak: “But, if clients change their business, we have no other way but to accept it.”
He went to on tell me the regular manager stuff like – “Change is the only thing that is constant” and that “One needs to adapt to change, else you’re wiped out like a slate”. I wouldn’t blame him for saying stuff like this. He was a manager, and the only things managers say is nonsensical, doesn’t-make-any-sense, bullshit like this!!!
Me: “Whatever Pak … If it were a billable client project, I don’t think things like would happen. Plus, since the requirements are a lot stricter, I get to learn a lot more things than I ever would on an internal project.”
I was building my case very well, and it was Pak who was going on his back-foot. I wanted to pat myself on my back for the wonderful job.
But, again, I repeat – Pak was a manager. And one of the manager’s key skills is to offer a fucked-up alternative solution and portray it as the best thing that could happen to me. After all, that’s how they convince all those million dollar clients to give us millions of dollars in terms of project revenue!
Pak: “What if I put you on a billable DEV project?”
Me: “I’m listening … Please tell me your plan.”
Pak: “There are a lot of billable projects going on. I can put you as a shadow resource in one of the projects. That way, you can work on those projects, and still remain billable in your current role!”
For those who don’t know what a shadow resource is, let me take a moment to explain.
To win a project/contract, our managers tell the customer that a certain project work – which would need 6 months development effort using a team of 20 skilled developers – can be done using 15 developers in 3 months time.
From the client’s perspective, they save up a lot on the billing costs. (Just a simple calc will tell you that!). And from Diapro management perspective, they’ve just sealed a contract – which means a lot more influx of cash. (But - I am tempted to say - from a developer perspective, it means HELL!!!)
Now, you’d probably wondering how does one manage to finish a project that would ordinarily take 6 months and 20 people working on it in 3 months and that too using 15 developers. This is where the shadow resources kick in. These people work on the project – unknown or known to the client – but do not get “billed”. Since these people are based of India, and also keeping in mind that Diapro pays us peanuts anyways – the extra cost incurred is negligible as compared to the risk of having lost to a competitor like Accenture or IBM.
By now, you’ve probably understood how we end up having the 20 resources needed for the project (15 Billable and 5 Shadow), but, I presume you’re wondering how 6 months work is done in 3 months or less.
Hmmmmmmm …. Good question … Let me try to explain in a lighter tone. Everyone must have done or atleast seen kids catching dragonflies and making them lift tiny pebbles. Some of the crueler kids make the dragonflies lift large boulders. Let me just say – those kids end up as excellent managers, and the poor dragonfly ends up as a software developer!!!
Now … Back to main story!
Me: “Sounds good to me. But, please, I don’t want to be put in some silly support or enhancement projects.”
Pak: “Don’t worry about that. I will put you in good development projects. But, I warn you, it would mean you’ll have to stretch and come on Saturday’s and Sunday’s.” (With a discouraging tone)
Me: “I would be happy to do that – As long as I am learning something out of these projects!”
Pak: “Just you wait. I will blow your mind with so much of work that you’ll come running to me and beg to have you released from the shadow resource roles.”
Me: “I can assure you that will not happen!”
Pak: “Let’s see about that!!!” (With a wicked grin)
By now, Pak had partly diffused the situation. I was ready to head back content with the answer, or solution as I would like to think of it, I had gotten from him.
But, I knew that Porrotta Systems Baseline Support was a shit hole. And that too a very stinking one!
So, I decided – not to fall for his managerial tricks, and to persist in my efforts and see if I could get released somehow or the other.
Me: “But Pak … that still leaves us with this project not meeting my other goals!”
Pak: “See … Once you start working on these DEV projects, and you work hard and smart enough, recognitions and promotions will come on its own!”
Damn … He had played a very smart move. I had to make a counter move soon. Else – It was check mate. And I knew precisely the trick!
Me: “It’s not the recognition I am worried about. What about me getting to go onsite. This project has a 1 year commitment. I see all my friends and batch mates and even people who joined after me flying onsite. I don’t want this project to be an iron that weighs me down when everyone is flying to abroad and making tons of cash.”
Pak: “Don’t worry about that all. Just give me a maximum of 3 months, and I will send you onsite from Porrotta Systems Baseline Support itself. Take my word for it.”
I was at a loss for words!!! I didn’t think it was possible. But, now that Pak had assured me he would send me onsite from the same project, things suddenly started looking very green.
Me: “Wow … Music to my ears! But Pak, just curious, Mandhya and Vrunda handle all the activities onsite. How do you intend to send me onsite from Porrotta Systems Baseline Support? I personally don’t see any way out”
Pak: “Why do you want to worry yourself with unnecessary things? Leave those things to me. Just understand that in another 3 to 4 months you will be flying abroad! That’s all I can assure you!”
Me: “Works with me Pak. Thanks for everything. So, just to recap, you’ll give me a notification on which DEV project I can go into in another 2 to 3 weeks time, and you’ve just told me that in another 3 – 4 months you’ll send me onsite.”
Pak: “Yup … That’s right!”
Me: “Thanks once again for your time Pak. This meeting has done a great deal to boost my morale.”
Pak: “I feel like a Shrink. But, glad to be of help?”
I hadn’t heard the term Shrink. And thinking it was something offensive or rude, I decided to pick a bone with him.
Me: “Shrink Pak???” (In a very questioning tone)
Pak: “You don’t know what a Shrink is?”
Me: “Well … No!”
Pak: “Well … They’re a sect of psychiatrist who helps people by listening to their problems and suggesting solution to resolve their issues”
Me: “Oh … Like that … So – you’re telling me I’m a nut eh?” (In a joking, more of teasing, fashion)
Pak: “Ha ha … Come on – I didn’t mean that Sharath!” (In a panicky tone!)
Me: “No worries Pak. I was just kidding.”
Pak: “Fine then … See you around!”
Me: “You too … Have a nice day ahead!”
With that, the first thing I wanted to do was to call Savita up and tell her about the news. After all, she was one of the key people who had motivated me to talk to Pak about wanting an Impromptu release.
Me: “Savita … I just spoke to Pak about my release … “
Savita: “And???”
Me: “You Guess???”
Savita: “What’s there to guess? He would’ve said No – You can’t do this to me!”
Me: “How’d you know?”
Savita: “He told me the same thing when I asked for a release after 2.9 years in the same project”
Me: “Oh … But hey … I’ve got good news. I grilled him and he agreed to send me onsite in 3 to 4 months. And in the meanwhile, he agreed to put me as a shadow resource in one of the many good DEV projects here.”
Savita: “Woooooooooooooooow … That is indeed good news. Congrats man!!!”
Although she was congratulating me, there was a tone of jealousy and anger in her tone. Maybe it was because she had been on the same project for over 3 years and had never gotten any assurances like this from Pak. Whereas, I was just 4 months into the project and I had already been assured an overseas opportunity by the senior manager in the account.
But, honestly, I didn’t give a damn what she felt. I was on top of the world, and I was planning to stay there!
Me: “Thanks a lot for the motivation to go and face Pak.”
Savita: “Anytime man.”
Me: “I better get going … I have to celebrate this.”
Savita: “Oh … Ok … Have a rocking time dude!”
Me: “Sure thing Savita … Once again – Thanks a zillion!”
Savita: “No problemo. What are friends for after all?”
Me: “Yeah … Correct. Bye then!”
With that said, I disconnected the call, got on my bike and raced home. En route, I bought a whole lot of beers for myself and my room mates. We had a gala time celebrating the news. My friends were teasing me about finally getting to go to the “United State of America” – the land of opportunity and more importantly horny babes! We were talking about how I might get “lucky” – If you know what I mean!!!
Boy – Was I in for a fucking surprise 2 months down the road!!!
Thursday, December 20, 2007
Porrotta Systems Baseline Support Job Description – The unseen footage!!!
What I was told at the onset of the project, and the way I was being trained to support the product called Hyperion, I was led to believe that this was a high pressure, high performance demanding project with a lot of customer interaction (which, for the non-IT folks reading this, is a very big deal – especially considering that I was less than a year into the industry)
But a couple of months into my project, this was pretty much how my days went:
8.30 am – Reach Diapro and Swipe In
8.30 am to 9.00 am – Done with Breakfast and Newspaper
9.00 am to 9.05 am – Check Official mails to see if any work/task has been allotted for the day
At this time this is what’s going through my mind - “As expected – No work has been allotted for today!!! Heck, for the last 3 months, I never had any task allotted to me. No reason why today should be any different!”
9.05 am to 10.00 am – Orkut/Browse the Internet
10.00 am to 11.00 am – Pull my friends from their cubes. Justification – “Coffee Break”
11.00 am to 12.30 pm – Orkut/Browse the internet (By now I’m thinking – “Why the heck don’t my friends scrap me more often! Maybe I need to make more friends. That way – someone or the other will scrap me!”
12.30 pm to 2.30 pm – Extended Lunch break
2.30 pm to 3.30 pm - Orkut/Browse the internet (By now my thoughts are – “Even those new friends I made are not responding. What the heck is wrong with these people???”)
3.30 pm to 5.00 pm – Once again run around and pull people from their cubes - “Coffee Break”
5.00 pm to 5.30 pm – ***Work*** (Which by the way means - Check a few log files on a couple of servers, and update an excel sheet with the data found in these logs)
5.30 pm to 6.00 pm – Keep looking at my watch
6.00 pm – Swipe Out and then make a mad dash to catch a seat in the bus.
Yeah … I know you’re probably thinking – “Woooooooooow … He got paid for doing nothing … And he’s complaining about it!!! How bloody stupid!!!”
But, trust me, its fun when you’re jobless for a day or two. Maybe a week or two max. Even a month or two – although is pushing the envelope – is bearable. But, in my case, it had been 4 months and I was completely jobless!
It was really beginning to be a hit on my ego and more importantly – my morale.
Sometime during the 4th month, I raised my concern with Vrunda. She promptly referred me to Pak who - by the way - was her manager.
That meeting (encounter is what I’d like to call it) with Pak is something I will never forget. I feel, to this day, that it was the one “trigger” incident that eventually led me to leave Diapro.
But a couple of months into my project, this was pretty much how my days went:
8.30 am – Reach Diapro and Swipe In
8.30 am to 9.00 am – Done with Breakfast and Newspaper
9.00 am to 9.05 am – Check Official mails to see if any work/task has been allotted for the day
At this time this is what’s going through my mind - “As expected – No work has been allotted for today!!! Heck, for the last 3 months, I never had any task allotted to me. No reason why today should be any different!”
9.05 am to 10.00 am – Orkut/Browse the Internet
10.00 am to 11.00 am – Pull my friends from their cubes. Justification – “Coffee Break”
11.00 am to 12.30 pm – Orkut/Browse the internet (By now I’m thinking – “Why the heck don’t my friends scrap me more often! Maybe I need to make more friends. That way – someone or the other will scrap me!”
12.30 pm to 2.30 pm – Extended Lunch break
2.30 pm to 3.30 pm - Orkut/Browse the internet (By now my thoughts are – “Even those new friends I made are not responding. What the heck is wrong with these people???”)
3.30 pm to 5.00 pm – Once again run around and pull people from their cubes - “Coffee Break”
5.00 pm to 5.30 pm – ***Work*** (Which by the way means - Check a few log files on a couple of servers, and update an excel sheet with the data found in these logs)
5.30 pm to 6.00 pm – Keep looking at my watch
6.00 pm – Swipe Out and then make a mad dash to catch a seat in the bus.
Yeah … I know you’re probably thinking – “Woooooooooow … He got paid for doing nothing … And he’s complaining about it!!! How bloody stupid!!!”
But, trust me, its fun when you’re jobless for a day or two. Maybe a week or two max. Even a month or two – although is pushing the envelope – is bearable. But, in my case, it had been 4 months and I was completely jobless!
It was really beginning to be a hit on my ego and more importantly – my morale.
Sometime during the 4th month, I raised my concern with Vrunda. She promptly referred me to Pak who - by the way - was her manager.
That meeting (encounter is what I’d like to call it) with Pak is something I will never forget. I feel, to this day, that it was the one “trigger” incident that eventually led me to leave Diapro.
Back to Square One – The same old Cubicle
After what seemed an eternity of ogling at hot babes, I was back in my Chennai office which by the way was infested with “medically certified” girls (i.e. I refer to them as girls – only because the doctor says so!).
Heck – there was no point in bitching about it. I had to live with it anyways.
Savita had somehow managed to get to office by around 10.30 am. After introducing her to the rest of the Chennai team, meetings with Pak, etc, we decided to take the rest of the day off – just so that she can relax and settle down. In effect I was extending her the same courtesy she had extended me on Day 1.
You see – after all – I can be a good host if I want to be.
:)
Another 15 days, and the transition is done. It is the last day of Savita’s stay at Chennai. I was also happy to be rid of her. Now, no more “someone” looking over my shoulders and bossing me around. Now, I was all by myself and I was the sole “offshore” member in the project. Boy – Did I feel on top of the world or not!
After Savita left for Bangalore, Vrunda – who was my manager for the project (Porrotta Systems Baseline Support) – was the person I turned to for any info and help. She was a very pleasant lady and was all the more happy to help me out.
I also took help from Savita on an on-off basis. But, somehow, atleast I seemed to think so, she wasn’t very keen to help me. It was as if she had “ridden” herself from the project and didn’t want to have anything to do with it anymore.
Anyways … I was doing well in the project. A month passed, another month passed, and so did another. By now – I had gotten really bored with my project. Let me explain why!
Heck – there was no point in bitching about it. I had to live with it anyways.
Savita had somehow managed to get to office by around 10.30 am. After introducing her to the rest of the Chennai team, meetings with Pak, etc, we decided to take the rest of the day off – just so that she can relax and settle down. In effect I was extending her the same courtesy she had extended me on Day 1.
You see – after all – I can be a good host if I want to be.
:)
Another 15 days, and the transition is done. It is the last day of Savita’s stay at Chennai. I was also happy to be rid of her. Now, no more “someone” looking over my shoulders and bossing me around. Now, I was all by myself and I was the sole “offshore” member in the project. Boy – Did I feel on top of the world or not!
After Savita left for Bangalore, Vrunda – who was my manager for the project (Porrotta Systems Baseline Support) – was the person I turned to for any info and help. She was a very pleasant lady and was all the more happy to help me out.
I also took help from Savita on an on-off basis. But, somehow, atleast I seemed to think so, she wasn’t very keen to help me. It was as if she had “ridden” herself from the project and didn’t want to have anything to do with it anymore.
Anyways … I was doing well in the project. A month passed, another month passed, and so did another. By now – I had gotten really bored with my project. Let me explain why!
End of Bangalore Days
Around 10 pm on 14th of Jan 2006, I and Savita head to the railway station for our trip to Chennai. And as is obvious by now to you – I ended up having to pay for the cab.
(If I ever find the guy that invented the concept of “Chivalry” – I’m going to KILL HIM!!!).
As per Pak’s plans, we were supposed to continue the rest of the knowledge transition – another 15 days – at Chennai. His reasoning was, this would give Savita a chance to visit Chennai, as well as set up your machine and the software you’d need to get going.
Let me tell you this - I had tried every trick in the book to try and stay back at Bangalore. I mean, why wouldn’t I? I had a luxurious room at my command, I was in Babe heaven, and I was siphoning off Rs. 200/- every day via my little “autorikshaw fraud” scheme!
A couple of things I tried were, volunteering to stay back at Bangalore to aid Savita, as she was a “girl” and probably wasn’t very comfortable with having to stay at an alien place. When that didn’t work, I tried painting a very gory picture of Chennai to Savita –saying stuff like – “Its freaking hot there … You’ll end up all black by the time you come back … Heck – what will happen to your value in the marriage market if you end up all dark?”
You know – the works. I did convinced Savita that Chennai was a place she better stay away from! But at the end of the day, Pak - who was our boss – had the last word in the whole deal. And sadly, he didn’t buy into the idea!
Anyways, back to the story. So - it’s freezing cold on the morning of 15th when I land in Chennai. Me and Savita get into a cab – which by the way, is an Ambassador that I’m pretty sure is older than me – and head to our respective homes. To be more precise, the itinerary was that I’d drop her off at her guest house and then head over to my house.
Her guest house turned out to be some sort of a shady spot. I swear … The second I saw the place - I kind of had the feeling that “These guys probably rent rooms by the hour and not by the day!”
But, I didn’t raise this concern of mine with her. For all you know, I was just being hypercritical - It was 5 am in the morning, and every hotel (except the 5 star ones ofcourse) would have looked shady – to me atleast - at that time.
And I was also aware that in the event of me raising my concerns - I’d end up having to search for an alternate hotel for her, or worst come worst case – letting her stay at my place for a couple of days till Diapro gave her a better place!
I definitely didn’t care that much about her to have to take so much of pain!
At the time of leaving, she says – “Hey Sharath … My phone is on roaming, if you don’t mind – can I use your spare SIM? I’ll pay for whatever I use.”
If you’re wondering what’s the deal with me carrying multiple SIM cards – I use two different SIM cards - One for sending SMS and the other for making calls. The reason is pretty simple – both the SIM cards gave me good rates for the function I was using them for!
I was sure I’d not get a penny out of her. So, I gave her my SMS walla SIM. That particular one did not have STD facility activated on it, and SMS’ing was free anyways. So, I was sure she couldn’t loot me – atleast not much anyways!
Sly me eh!!!
(Remind me to pat myself on the back)
All that done, I head over to my house. Once I am there, I get the next jolt. The Cab guy charged me Rs. 500 /- for the trip? It was company money, and ideally I shouldn’t have had any issues with him trying to loot me, but instincts suddenly kicked in – and I lashed out at him for trying to cheat me. I was like “Maybe you should hold a knife and ask me for the same. I’d gladly hand over the cash. But, other than that – I don’t think you’re getting anything more than 300 from me!”
Finally, I ended up paying him 400 bucks. And this was partly because the cabbie started swearing and cussing, and the neighbors’ lights started coming on thanks to all this hungama!
What a wonderful way to start my day eh!!!
(If I ever find the guy that invented the concept of “Chivalry” – I’m going to KILL HIM!!!).
As per Pak’s plans, we were supposed to continue the rest of the knowledge transition – another 15 days – at Chennai. His reasoning was, this would give Savita a chance to visit Chennai, as well as set up your machine and the software you’d need to get going.
Let me tell you this - I had tried every trick in the book to try and stay back at Bangalore. I mean, why wouldn’t I? I had a luxurious room at my command, I was in Babe heaven, and I was siphoning off Rs. 200/- every day via my little “autorikshaw fraud” scheme!
A couple of things I tried were, volunteering to stay back at Bangalore to aid Savita, as she was a “girl” and probably wasn’t very comfortable with having to stay at an alien place. When that didn’t work, I tried painting a very gory picture of Chennai to Savita –saying stuff like – “Its freaking hot there … You’ll end up all black by the time you come back … Heck – what will happen to your value in the marriage market if you end up all dark?”
You know – the works. I did convinced Savita that Chennai was a place she better stay away from! But at the end of the day, Pak - who was our boss – had the last word in the whole deal. And sadly, he didn’t buy into the idea!
Anyways, back to the story. So - it’s freezing cold on the morning of 15th when I land in Chennai. Me and Savita get into a cab – which by the way, is an Ambassador that I’m pretty sure is older than me – and head to our respective homes. To be more precise, the itinerary was that I’d drop her off at her guest house and then head over to my house.
Her guest house turned out to be some sort of a shady spot. I swear … The second I saw the place - I kind of had the feeling that “These guys probably rent rooms by the hour and not by the day!”
But, I didn’t raise this concern of mine with her. For all you know, I was just being hypercritical - It was 5 am in the morning, and every hotel (except the 5 star ones ofcourse) would have looked shady – to me atleast - at that time.
And I was also aware that in the event of me raising my concerns - I’d end up having to search for an alternate hotel for her, or worst come worst case – letting her stay at my place for a couple of days till Diapro gave her a better place!
I definitely didn’t care that much about her to have to take so much of pain!
At the time of leaving, she says – “Hey Sharath … My phone is on roaming, if you don’t mind – can I use your spare SIM? I’ll pay for whatever I use.”
If you’re wondering what’s the deal with me carrying multiple SIM cards – I use two different SIM cards - One for sending SMS and the other for making calls. The reason is pretty simple – both the SIM cards gave me good rates for the function I was using them for!
I was sure I’d not get a penny out of her. So, I gave her my SMS walla SIM. That particular one did not have STD facility activated on it, and SMS’ing was free anyways. So, I was sure she couldn’t loot me – atleast not much anyways!
Sly me eh!!!
(Remind me to pat myself on the back)
All that done, I head over to my house. Once I am there, I get the next jolt. The Cab guy charged me Rs. 500 /- for the trip? It was company money, and ideally I shouldn’t have had any issues with him trying to loot me, but instincts suddenly kicked in – and I lashed out at him for trying to cheat me. I was like “Maybe you should hold a knife and ask me for the same. I’d gladly hand over the cash. But, other than that – I don’t think you’re getting anything more than 300 from me!”
Finally, I ended up paying him 400 bucks. And this was partly because the cabbie started swearing and cussing, and the neighbors’ lights started coming on thanks to all this hungama!
What a wonderful way to start my day eh!!!
Monday, December 10, 2007
Auto Thief
On the first and second days of my stay at Bangalore, I was traveling by Auto to and from office to my guesthouse. And the scary part was that, I was paying anything between Rs. 100/- to Rs. 150/- in either direction.
Obviously, I saw the economic unfeasibility of this and I thought that I would rather use the company bus service to commute to and from office. Please take into consideration that – I knew that this meant that I would have to stand for 1+ hours’ as the Bangalore Diapro busses were packed to the brim with employees.
With this in mind, the first thing I did on reaching office - on Day # 3 - is send a mail to the the Pividus team. For those who’re wondering who they are – they’re the financial ops team @ Diapro.
The mail was as below:
Hi Pividus Team,
My name is Sharath Kumar R (Emp # 111500), and I am currently on relocation to Bangalore. Since the referral guesthouse provided to me is at a distance of 12 kms from the office where I work, I am forced to rely on autos for travel to and from office. This is causing me an expense of Rs. 100/- to Rs 150/-, in one direction, every day.
To avoid this overhead in relocation expenses, I would be happy to use the company bus facility for commuting to and fro office, provided that the same is reimbursed under the relocation policy.
Kindly provide the necessary approvals for the same.
With Best Regards,
Sharath Kumar R
And this is mail I got in response from them by the end of the day:
Sharath,
Please go ahead and raise a requisition for using the company bus facility in Bangalore. But, please keep in mind that, for all purposes, it will be treating as an employee’s personal expense. Hence, we will not be reimbursing the costs toward the same.
Hope this clarifies!
With Warm Regards,
Pividus Team
I don’t know what to call it. Was it surprise? Was it humiliation? Was it a feeling of being extorted?
I don’t know!!!
Here I was. Trying to be a good employee and help the organization cut its cost. And there the organization was. Trying to pull a fast one on me by saying – “You can travel by the bus – But we aren’t going to reimburse you the cost incurred for the same!”
All I know is that I knew I wasn’t going to try and do the company any more favors.
So, for the next 2 days I continued using autos to commute. That’s when an idea struck me. “Why don’t I use the company bus anyways? That way I can save up on the cost of autos – but in the end I can claim for the same!”
I know – It wasn’t the most ethical of things to do. But hey, I never said I was a Gandhiji. Diapro was a fuck all pay master. And I could do with every other penny I could wrangle or wry out of Kemzi’s fat pocket.
But, there was a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig problem. Since I used to commute via the company bus in Chennai, I knew that there were often checking squads that boarded the bus to see which employees were traveling for free. Ok … Lets give you a little bit of background into why this was/is being done.
At the time of joining Diapro, I was paying Rs. 800/- towards using the company bus service. Within 3 months - it rose to Rs. 1150/-. Another 3 months later – it went to Rs. 1350/-. As most of you would’ve guessed by now, our salaries were still the same as it was 6 months back. So, obviously every one was pissed off. I mean who wouldn’t be? In effect, we were paying nearly double the amount for commute. And that too in less than 6 months!
When we raised this question to the Diapro management, this is what we were told - “Since the cost of Petrol had gone up, the travel contractors had raised the request to hike prices. Since Diapro is a stern believer is moral practices we couldn’t be oblivious to their requisition. Hence we decided to hike the costs.”
This infuriated the employees even more. As Diapro management were trying to “not be oblivious” to the agony of the contractors, but were “completely oblivious” to the agonies of their employees who were equally badly hit by the increase in petrol costs and inflation in general.
As a general effect of this unhappiness amongst the employees, some of them had decided to beat Diapro at their own game. In other words, they decided to dupe Diapro and their contractors.
What these people did were – they unregistered themselves from using the company bus services, but still used it to travel everyday to work. What they did in effect was - they were saving themselves Rs. 1350/- every month.
All of a sudden there was a mass cancellation of subscriptions to the bus service. But, the busses were still running at maximum capacity. It took a couple of months for Diapro to realize what was going on. And to counter this, Diapro got its employees in the travel department to “raid” the bus and check whether everyone onboard had a valid bus pass. Although, people reading this might feel that Diapro beat the employees in our game – you’re mistaken. There were a million loop holes these Smart Alec employees exploited and got away scot-free, the simplest of which was – “I forgot my Bus pass at home!”
:D
And just a disclaimer – I was one of the employees who continued to pay for the company bus service, but regret – to this day – that I didn’t pull a fast one on Diapro by following in their footsteps.
Ok … Now that you have a background of the same, let’s get back to my story.
So, one of the first things I wanted to do is to find out how often there were “raids” on the route I took. To ascertain this, I gave Srivatsan a call and, after the initial chit-chat, I got straight to the point.
Me: “Dae Machi … Do you have “raids” here often on your busses?”
Srivatu: “Raid??? What do you mean raids?”
I proceeded to explain the entire thing I explained above to him.
Srivatu: “Nothing of that sort happens here machi … the busses are way too crowded to permit anything of that sort to happen!”
Me: “Hmmmmm … Interesting …”
I went to tell him what had happened earlier in the day with the Pividus team and what I had in mind. Srivatsan was a near and dear friend. In short – he was my confidant.
Srivatu: “Sure thing machi … You should do that. I mean – what else can I say. You tried to save the company some money, and in return they tried to stick a rusted rod in your arse and give it a twist as well. They deserve it man!”
Me: “You sure I won’t get into trouble – RIGHT?”
Srivatu: “101% sure. There is no such thing as raids in Bangalore. That much I guarantee you!”
I was happy. “Easiest 2500 bucks I ever made!” was what was going on in my mind.
But oh boy – was I in for a nasty surprise!!!
(More on that later)
And, with that, I started using the company’s bus service for the rest of my stay at Bangalore.
In my defense I only have this to say - I'm morally grey !!!
Obviously, I saw the economic unfeasibility of this and I thought that I would rather use the company bus service to commute to and from office. Please take into consideration that – I knew that this meant that I would have to stand for 1+ hours’ as the Bangalore Diapro busses were packed to the brim with employees.
With this in mind, the first thing I did on reaching office - on Day # 3 - is send a mail to the the Pividus team. For those who’re wondering who they are – they’re the financial ops team @ Diapro.
The mail was as below:
Hi Pividus Team,
My name is Sharath Kumar R (Emp # 111500), and I am currently on relocation to Bangalore. Since the referral guesthouse provided to me is at a distance of 12 kms from the office where I work, I am forced to rely on autos for travel to and from office. This is causing me an expense of Rs. 100/- to Rs 150/-, in one direction, every day.
To avoid this overhead in relocation expenses, I would be happy to use the company bus facility for commuting to and fro office, provided that the same is reimbursed under the relocation policy.
Kindly provide the necessary approvals for the same.
With Best Regards,
Sharath Kumar R
And this is mail I got in response from them by the end of the day:
Sharath,
Please go ahead and raise a requisition for using the company bus facility in Bangalore. But, please keep in mind that, for all purposes, it will be treating as an employee’s personal expense. Hence, we will not be reimbursing the costs toward the same.
Hope this clarifies!
With Warm Regards,
Pividus Team
I don’t know what to call it. Was it surprise? Was it humiliation? Was it a feeling of being extorted?
I don’t know!!!
Here I was. Trying to be a good employee and help the organization cut its cost. And there the organization was. Trying to pull a fast one on me by saying – “You can travel by the bus – But we aren’t going to reimburse you the cost incurred for the same!”
All I know is that I knew I wasn’t going to try and do the company any more favors.
So, for the next 2 days I continued using autos to commute. That’s when an idea struck me. “Why don’t I use the company bus anyways? That way I can save up on the cost of autos – but in the end I can claim for the same!”
I know – It wasn’t the most ethical of things to do. But hey, I never said I was a Gandhiji. Diapro was a fuck all pay master. And I could do with every other penny I could wrangle or wry out of Kemzi’s fat pocket.
But, there was a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig problem. Since I used to commute via the company bus in Chennai, I knew that there were often checking squads that boarded the bus to see which employees were traveling for free. Ok … Lets give you a little bit of background into why this was/is being done.
At the time of joining Diapro, I was paying Rs. 800/- towards using the company bus service. Within 3 months - it rose to Rs. 1150/-. Another 3 months later – it went to Rs. 1350/-. As most of you would’ve guessed by now, our salaries were still the same as it was 6 months back. So, obviously every one was pissed off. I mean who wouldn’t be? In effect, we were paying nearly double the amount for commute. And that too in less than 6 months!
When we raised this question to the Diapro management, this is what we were told - “Since the cost of Petrol had gone up, the travel contractors had raised the request to hike prices. Since Diapro is a stern believer is moral practices we couldn’t be oblivious to their requisition. Hence we decided to hike the costs.”
This infuriated the employees even more. As Diapro management were trying to “not be oblivious” to the agony of the contractors, but were “completely oblivious” to the agonies of their employees who were equally badly hit by the increase in petrol costs and inflation in general.
As a general effect of this unhappiness amongst the employees, some of them had decided to beat Diapro at their own game. In other words, they decided to dupe Diapro and their contractors.
What these people did were – they unregistered themselves from using the company bus services, but still used it to travel everyday to work. What they did in effect was - they were saving themselves Rs. 1350/- every month.
All of a sudden there was a mass cancellation of subscriptions to the bus service. But, the busses were still running at maximum capacity. It took a couple of months for Diapro to realize what was going on. And to counter this, Diapro got its employees in the travel department to “raid” the bus and check whether everyone onboard had a valid bus pass. Although, people reading this might feel that Diapro beat the employees in our game – you’re mistaken. There were a million loop holes these Smart Alec employees exploited and got away scot-free, the simplest of which was – “I forgot my Bus pass at home!”
:D
And just a disclaimer – I was one of the employees who continued to pay for the company bus service, but regret – to this day – that I didn’t pull a fast one on Diapro by following in their footsteps.
Ok … Now that you have a background of the same, let’s get back to my story.
So, one of the first things I wanted to do is to find out how often there were “raids” on the route I took. To ascertain this, I gave Srivatsan a call and, after the initial chit-chat, I got straight to the point.
Me: “Dae Machi … Do you have “raids” here often on your busses?”
Srivatu: “Raid??? What do you mean raids?”
I proceeded to explain the entire thing I explained above to him.
Srivatu: “Nothing of that sort happens here machi … the busses are way too crowded to permit anything of that sort to happen!”
Me: “Hmmmmm … Interesting …”
I went to tell him what had happened earlier in the day with the Pividus team and what I had in mind. Srivatsan was a near and dear friend. In short – he was my confidant.
Srivatu: “Sure thing machi … You should do that. I mean – what else can I say. You tried to save the company some money, and in return they tried to stick a rusted rod in your arse and give it a twist as well. They deserve it man!”
Me: “You sure I won’t get into trouble – RIGHT?”
Srivatu: “101% sure. There is no such thing as raids in Bangalore. That much I guarantee you!”
I was happy. “Easiest 2500 bucks I ever made!” was what was going on in my mind.
But oh boy – was I in for a nasty surprise!!!
(More on that later)
And, with that, I started using the company’s bus service for the rest of my stay at Bangalore.
In my defense I only have this to say - I'm morally grey !!!
Sunday, November 11, 2007
The First Fight
I think this happened on Day 5 of my Knowledge Transition. I remember it was a Friday. I think Savita was having PMS (The girls out there would probably know what I am talking about here! For those who don’t – a.k.a guys - Google for it!). The ordinarily well mannered and silent Savita had become a bitch with a capital B today!
I just couldn’t think of any better reasoning for this sudden change in behavior except for the PMS theory!
Ok … Lets move on with the rest of the story instead of repeating PMS … PMS … PMS over and over again!
So, that day – sometime post-lunch, when I was sitting an Orkut’ing in full josh, Savita asks me the status of a document that she had asked me to work on.
Me: “But that is due for delivery by the end of next week – right?”
Savita: “So … does that mean you shouldn’t start working on it right away?”
Me: “Chill … I’ll get working on it in another hour. Don’t worry, I’ll ensure it’s done before its deadline!”
Savita: “No … I want you to start working on it right now. And I want you to give your transition more importance and seriousness than you are giving it now! And moreover I want you to stop checking your e-mail and Orkut so often!”
Now, I do agree that I was probably not being very “serious” about the whole. But, that’s my nature. That’s how I work. What’s the whole bloody point in keeping a grim face all through the day while you’re at work??? I prefer to monkey around and still ensuring that the work is delivered on time. And till date – I was always able to do that.
And on top of that – I was not about to take orders from some dumb babe! Call me a chauvinist if you want to – but I hated being bossed. Especially by someone of the fairer sex! And this babe has just done that!
Whatever I said after that was not planned. It was purely by reflex.
Me: “Listen Savita … I don’t give a shit if you’re a senior to me here at Diapro and I give two big balls if you’ve been on this project longer than me. And just so that you know – You don’t have the bloody authority to tell me what I should and when I should do it. If you want me to do something – give me a deadline and see whether I do it on time. If I don’t – then complain or bitch all you want. But – before that deadline, keep your butt-ugly, long nose out of my business. And as for my e-mails and Orkut – If nobody sends you an e-mail – that’s because you’re social life sucks. Don’t take your anger and frustration out on me! You got that!”
Savita: (With an I-was-just-struck-by-lightning look) “I’m going to tell Vrunda about you not working properly!”
Me: (Still fuming like mad!) “Tell you what – I’ll do you a favor – I’ll tell Vrunda that I can’t work with you!”
Savita: “What? Why?”
Me: “You’re not even my manager Savita, and you’re trying to order me around as if I were your servant. Just so that you know - I don’t take orders from anyone! You better get that into your head?”
Savita: “Yeah … Whatever”
Me: “Yeah … Whatever!!!”
With that said, I got up and left. When I turned back, I saw her sitting and sulking at her desk.
She was obviously pissed at me shouting at her. She probably thought that her being a “senior” in both the company and the project would act as the leverage she’d need to boss me around.
I hadn’t let that bully Sujatha boss me around – and atleast she looked intimidating. This gal looked like a twig! She had picked a fight with the wrong guy!
The rest of the day, we didn’t even look each other in the face. She was busy typing some mail or the other. Maybe they were complaining mails to Vrunda, or maybe she was just trying to prove that she too had “friends” and a “social-life”. As for me – I spent the rest of the day Orkut’ing - Just to tick her off!!!
As usual, I left for home at 5.00, and she stayed back – obviously because she would’ve wanted to “complain” to Vrunda about me and my impromptu behavior.
I didn’t give a shit … If Vrunda called me and tried to boss me around – I’d give her a piece of my mind too. I was determined to not let myself be bossed – COME WHAT MAY!!!
The following Monday when I came back to work, the first thing I did was check my e-mail to see if there was some reprimandel e-mails from Vrunda. But, to my surprise, there were none.
As for Savita - she was back to her cheerful self. Either Vrunda had convinced or cajoled her during their call, or, she was done with her Periods!!!
Either ways – I was in the safe zone … And that’s all that mattered to me.
Just to ensure that she had indeed burried the hatchet, I went up to her and said
Me: “Hey Savita … Sorry about what happened on Friday … I should’ve apologized on Friday itself, but I was full of hot air back then.”
Savita: “Hey … Its ok … I didn’t realize that I was bossing over you! Sorry about that …”
Me: “Yeah … I just don’t like it when anyone tries to boss me. It’s just my nature you see … Anyways … Past is past … Let’s put this behind us - shall we …”
Savita: “Sure … Let’s get on with our work …”
Me: “I’m cool with that … Lets get started on the transition! “
Savita: “Ok … Give me 5 mins … I need to get a coffee …”
Me: “Mind if I join you … I need to get my morning dose of caffeine too!”
Savita: “Sure … Challoe then!”
Me: “Ladies first …”
With that – our enmity had come to an end. Atleast for the moment !!!
It was not something I expected – but I was happy that it ended this way. After all – as the wise say – “We all have short lives … Instead of making enemies – make as many friends as possible … You’re life will be a lot better that way … ”
I just couldn’t think of any better reasoning for this sudden change in behavior except for the PMS theory!
Ok … Lets move on with the rest of the story instead of repeating PMS … PMS … PMS over and over again!
So, that day – sometime post-lunch, when I was sitting an Orkut’ing in full josh, Savita asks me the status of a document that she had asked me to work on.
Me: “But that is due for delivery by the end of next week – right?”
Savita: “So … does that mean you shouldn’t start working on it right away?”
Me: “Chill … I’ll get working on it in another hour. Don’t worry, I’ll ensure it’s done before its deadline!”
Savita: “No … I want you to start working on it right now. And I want you to give your transition more importance and seriousness than you are giving it now! And moreover I want you to stop checking your e-mail and Orkut so often!”
Now, I do agree that I was probably not being very “serious” about the whole. But, that’s my nature. That’s how I work. What’s the whole bloody point in keeping a grim face all through the day while you’re at work??? I prefer to monkey around and still ensuring that the work is delivered on time. And till date – I was always able to do that.
And on top of that – I was not about to take orders from some dumb babe! Call me a chauvinist if you want to – but I hated being bossed. Especially by someone of the fairer sex! And this babe has just done that!
Whatever I said after that was not planned. It was purely by reflex.
Me: “Listen Savita … I don’t give a shit if you’re a senior to me here at Diapro and I give two big balls if you’ve been on this project longer than me. And just so that you know – You don’t have the bloody authority to tell me what I should and when I should do it. If you want me to do something – give me a deadline and see whether I do it on time. If I don’t – then complain or bitch all you want. But – before that deadline, keep your butt-ugly, long nose out of my business. And as for my e-mails and Orkut – If nobody sends you an e-mail – that’s because you’re social life sucks. Don’t take your anger and frustration out on me! You got that!”
Savita: (With an I-was-just-struck-by-lightning look) “I’m going to tell Vrunda about you not working properly!”
Me: (Still fuming like mad!) “Tell you what – I’ll do you a favor – I’ll tell Vrunda that I can’t work with you!”
Savita: “What? Why?”
Me: “You’re not even my manager Savita, and you’re trying to order me around as if I were your servant. Just so that you know - I don’t take orders from anyone! You better get that into your head?”
Savita: “Yeah … Whatever”
Me: “Yeah … Whatever!!!”
With that said, I got up and left. When I turned back, I saw her sitting and sulking at her desk.
She was obviously pissed at me shouting at her. She probably thought that her being a “senior” in both the company and the project would act as the leverage she’d need to boss me around.
I hadn’t let that bully Sujatha boss me around – and atleast she looked intimidating. This gal looked like a twig! She had picked a fight with the wrong guy!
The rest of the day, we didn’t even look each other in the face. She was busy typing some mail or the other. Maybe they were complaining mails to Vrunda, or maybe she was just trying to prove that she too had “friends” and a “social-life”. As for me – I spent the rest of the day Orkut’ing - Just to tick her off!!!
As usual, I left for home at 5.00, and she stayed back – obviously because she would’ve wanted to “complain” to Vrunda about me and my impromptu behavior.
I didn’t give a shit … If Vrunda called me and tried to boss me around – I’d give her a piece of my mind too. I was determined to not let myself be bossed – COME WHAT MAY!!!
The following Monday when I came back to work, the first thing I did was check my e-mail to see if there was some reprimandel e-mails from Vrunda. But, to my surprise, there were none.
As for Savita - she was back to her cheerful self. Either Vrunda had convinced or cajoled her during their call, or, she was done with her Periods!!!
Either ways – I was in the safe zone … And that’s all that mattered to me.
Just to ensure that she had indeed burried the hatchet, I went up to her and said
Me: “Hey Savita … Sorry about what happened on Friday … I should’ve apologized on Friday itself, but I was full of hot air back then.”
Savita: “Hey … Its ok … I didn’t realize that I was bossing over you! Sorry about that …”
Me: “Yeah … I just don’t like it when anyone tries to boss me. It’s just my nature you see … Anyways … Past is past … Let’s put this behind us - shall we …”
Savita: “Sure … Let’s get on with our work …”
Me: “I’m cool with that … Lets get started on the transition! “
Savita: “Ok … Give me 5 mins … I need to get a coffee …”
Me: “Mind if I join you … I need to get my morning dose of caffeine too!”
Savita: “Sure … Challoe then!”
Me: “Ladies first …”
With that – our enmity had come to an end. Atleast for the moment !!!
It was not something I expected – but I was happy that it ended this way. After all – as the wise say – “We all have short lives … Instead of making enemies – make as many friends as possible … You’re life will be a lot better that way … ”
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Can I have some money please?
If you go back a couple of chapters, you might recall that I was talking about the dilemma I was facing - About not having enough money to pay for my guest house. Well, let me continue on that.
On Day 2 of stay at Bangalore – I was too much in awe of being in Bangalore on Day 1 that I completely forgot about it on Day 1 – I realized I need to talk to Pak about this financial pothole I had got myself into. So, I decided to send him an e-mail. This is how my e-mail went.
Dear Pak,
Hope this mail finds you in the best of cheers!
This is with regards to the travel advance disbursed to me for my relocation to Bangalore. As you are aware, I have been given Rs. 5000/- as cash advance for my visit to Bangalore.
I would like to bring to your attention that I have been given accommodation in a referral guest house which charges me Rs. 1600/- on a per day basis. Given this background, and that I have to be here for a period of 13 days, the rental cost alone would amount to Rs. 20,800/-. Ergo, please authorize the disbursement of a sum of Rs. 20,000/- to aid me in paying the costs incurred for this official trip.
Looking forward to hearing from you shortly!
With Best Regards,
Sharath Kumar R
And this is the reply I got from him:
Sharath,
Use your Credit Card!
- Pak
I think to myself - “What a sick bastard … I ask him for money, and he tells me to use my credit cards! As such Diapro never pays even my salary on time. Now, if I make all my payments for this trip on my credit card, and as sure as hell – Diapro will delay the re-imbursement of the same, then I end up paying 3 % of my outstanding as interest charges!”
On that thought, I bring up a Microsoft Excel Worksheet and do some quick math to see what my expenses for this trip would sum up to.
That immediately gets me thinking - “Oh Shit … 3 % of Rs. 26000/- is Rs. 780 /-. No chance is hell I’m taking on that sort of damage. And that too for this fuck all company!!! “
By this time I had decided, I was not going to use my cards and I knew that the best course of action was to call Pak and tell him about it. But, I couldn’t tell him the real reason for my not wanting to use my cards – could I!
But, the scheming genius that I am, I had a plan … A master plan!!!
Muhahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
I picked up the VOIP phone and dialed Pak’s number in Chennai (Oh … For those wondering what VOIP stands for – It means Voice Over Internet Protocol. It’s a technology IT companies everywhere use to make dirt cheap STD/ISD calls to clients/onsite teams. Btw – It’s the same resource IT employees – me included – “mis”use to call friends in the US and ask them how this weeks visit to the strip club went!)
Pak: “Hello …”
Me: “Hi Pak … Sharath here …”
Pak: “Hi … How you doing?”
Me: “Great … Thank you!”
Pak: “So … What did you call about?”
Me: “Pak … It’s about the e-mail I sent you earlier today.”
Pak: “Oh yes … The money disbursement eh!”
Me: “Yeah …”
Pak: “Well … Like I said in my e-mail earlier … Use your credit card. It’s got many benefits you see …”
With that statement, he proceeded on to explain the benefits of having a credit card. For the next 5 mins, I was wondering – “Am I talking to my Program Manager or a freaking Credit Card Sales Man???”
5 mins later, when he thinks he’s done convincing me, he gives me a chance to speak
Me: “Pak … I don’t have a credit card!”
Pak: “What?”
Me: “I said – I don’t have a credit card!”
Pak: “Oh shucks … That sucks!”
Me: “Yeah … Now you know why I need the money!”
Pak: “Sure … Raise a request for the same – I’ll approve it later today.”
Me: “Thanks Pak … I’ll raise the request right away!”
Pak: “Is there anything else you needed from me?”
Me: “Naaa … Thanks for your time … Bye!”
Pak: “Yeah … Bye!”
I had won the argument … Yahooooooooooooo!!! Once I had the money in my bank, I’d pay using my credit card anyways. I thought to myself “You’re a smart arse Sharath …”
;-)
On Day 2 of stay at Bangalore – I was too much in awe of being in Bangalore on Day 1 that I completely forgot about it on Day 1 – I realized I need to talk to Pak about this financial pothole I had got myself into. So, I decided to send him an e-mail. This is how my e-mail went.
Dear Pak,
Hope this mail finds you in the best of cheers!
This is with regards to the travel advance disbursed to me for my relocation to Bangalore. As you are aware, I have been given Rs. 5000/- as cash advance for my visit to Bangalore.
I would like to bring to your attention that I have been given accommodation in a referral guest house which charges me Rs. 1600/- on a per day basis. Given this background, and that I have to be here for a period of 13 days, the rental cost alone would amount to Rs. 20,800/-. Ergo, please authorize the disbursement of a sum of Rs. 20,000/- to aid me in paying the costs incurred for this official trip.
Looking forward to hearing from you shortly!
With Best Regards,
Sharath Kumar R
And this is the reply I got from him:
Sharath,
Use your Credit Card!
- Pak
I think to myself - “What a sick bastard … I ask him for money, and he tells me to use my credit cards! As such Diapro never pays even my salary on time. Now, if I make all my payments for this trip on my credit card, and as sure as hell – Diapro will delay the re-imbursement of the same, then I end up paying 3 % of my outstanding as interest charges!”
On that thought, I bring up a Microsoft Excel Worksheet and do some quick math to see what my expenses for this trip would sum up to.
| Food | 1500 |
| Rent | 21000 |
| Travel | 3000 |
| Telephone | 500 |
| | |
| | 26000 |
That immediately gets me thinking - “Oh Shit … 3 % of Rs. 26000/- is Rs. 780 /-. No chance is hell I’m taking on that sort of damage. And that too for this fuck all company!!! “
By this time I had decided, I was not going to use my cards and I knew that the best course of action was to call Pak and tell him about it. But, I couldn’t tell him the real reason for my not wanting to use my cards – could I!
But, the scheming genius that I am, I had a plan … A master plan!!!
Muhahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!
I picked up the VOIP phone and dialed Pak’s number in Chennai (Oh … For those wondering what VOIP stands for – It means Voice Over Internet Protocol. It’s a technology IT companies everywhere use to make dirt cheap STD/ISD calls to clients/onsite teams. Btw – It’s the same resource IT employees – me included – “mis”use to call friends in the US and ask them how this weeks visit to the strip club went!)
Pak: “Hello …”
Me: “Hi Pak … Sharath here …”
Pak: “Hi … How you doing?”
Me: “Great … Thank you!”
Pak: “So … What did you call about?”
Me: “Pak … It’s about the e-mail I sent you earlier today.”
Pak: “Oh yes … The money disbursement eh!”
Me: “Yeah …”
Pak: “Well … Like I said in my e-mail earlier … Use your credit card. It’s got many benefits you see …”
With that statement, he proceeded on to explain the benefits of having a credit card. For the next 5 mins, I was wondering – “Am I talking to my Program Manager or a freaking Credit Card Sales Man???”
5 mins later, when he thinks he’s done convincing me, he gives me a chance to speak
Me: “Pak … I don’t have a credit card!”
Pak: “What?”
Me: “I said – I don’t have a credit card!”
Pak: “Oh shucks … That sucks!”
Me: “Yeah … Now you know why I need the money!”
Pak: “Sure … Raise a request for the same – I’ll approve it later today.”
Me: “Thanks Pak … I’ll raise the request right away!”
Pak: “Is there anything else you needed from me?”
Me: “Naaa … Thanks for your time … Bye!”
Pak: “Yeah … Bye!”
I had won the argument … Yahooooooooooooo!!! Once I had the money in my bank, I’d pay using my credit card anyways. I thought to myself “You’re a smart arse Sharath …”
;-)
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Rest of the Bangalore Trip
The remaining 15 days were spent in pretty much the same fashion.
• 9 am to 5 pm - At work
• 5 pm to 6.30 pm - Traveling back home
• 6.30 pm to 10.0 pm – Meeting up with friends and batch mates at Forum (I had fallen in love with the place by then)
• 10.00 pm – 1 am – Booooooooooze myself senseless
But yeah, a few interesting things did happen during my 15 days at Bangalore. It’ll be greatest injustice to this book if I didn’t speak about them. Let’s get straight to em – one after the other.
• 9 am to 5 pm - At work
• 5 pm to 6.30 pm - Traveling back home
• 6.30 pm to 10.0 pm – Meeting up with friends and batch mates at Forum (I had fallen in love with the place by then)
• 10.00 pm – 1 am – Booooooooooze myself senseless
But yeah, a few interesting things did happen during my 15 days at Bangalore. It’ll be greatest injustice to this book if I didn’t speak about them. Let’s get straight to em – one after the other.
At the Diapro Bangalore Campus – Day 1
I had heard all my friends at Bangalore bitch about the traffic blocks en route to Electronic City. Today, just 20 mins into my travel to work, I was one of them. I was bitching away to glory.
Well, let me give you some perspective as what made me do that. I had been sitting in the auto for a good 20 mins and guess how much we had moved – less than a kilometer. And, to add to the agony, there were huge company buses trying to wriggle their way through a jungle of grid locked vehicles – thereby making the traffic scenarios even worse. Not that I cared about the others stuck in the traffic block, but the stupid bus right next to my rickshaw was blowing exhaust right at my face. And heck – that was not even a new Volvo bus. It was some godforsaken Ashok Leyland primate spewing out thick black smoke. For a second there I was contemplating kicking the buses driver, but when I saw him (he was a 6 foot muscular youngster) I thought I’d rather forgive him.
;)
A few MI-2 style moves from the auto driver and 40 mins later, I was at the Diapro Bangalore campus. And I must saw – I was awestruck by the sheer magnitude of the spread. I knew that it was the largest Diapro campus in India, but this was way beyond what I had imagined.
And to add to this awe, there were good looking babes practically crawling all over the place. This was a luxury I didn’t have at Diapro Chennai. The girls there made you want to cry – nothing more, nothing less!!!
“Thank you god for this wondrous opportunity!!!” With this prayer said, I headed over to SDB – 17 to meet Savita (stands for Software Development Block 17).
When I called her from the reception, she said she was on level 4, and that she would meet me at the lounge there. “Heck … she isn’t pretty anyways … who cares where she meets me!!!” With that thought, I head up for our first rendezvous.
And true to my thought, a not-so-hot babe met me at the lounge.
Me: “Savita???”
Savita: “Sharath right … Welcome to Bangalore!”
Me: “Thanks … Bangalore rocks!”
Savita: “Yeah … I know!”
Me: “You’ve been here for long?”
Savita: “Yeah … about 2 yrs now … Hey – we should be heading inside and getting started!”
Me: (thinking) “Stupid bum … I’m trying to break the ice here, and all she can think of is work … what a lame babe … Bet she doesn’t have a social life!!!”
Ok … Maybe I was thinking rude thoughts. But in my defense – I had just got here, it had hardly been 2 mins since we met, and I was taking all the effort to make chit-chat – and all she was concerned with was work? I mean – it’s not like we were doctors or nuclear scientist … We were boring software professionals!!!
“Heck – no point in fighting her. I just got here. Lets play along” and I trailed along with her in the lead.
I don’t want to get into the events of the rest of the day simply because nothing major (read as fun) happened. It was just the regular Knowledge Transition where she “taught” me about the application and the sort of work I would be doing in a month’s time. Honestly speaking – I wasn’t even listening to her. My mind was full of “other” questions – “Where do I go sight-seeing in the evening?” “Are there are hot clubs I can go to today?” “Should I go meet all my batch mates in Bangalore – or should that wait till the weekend?”
Amidst all these wondrous and involving thoughts can you blame for having missed out what Hyperion Enterprise Solutions did (Oh … Btw – that’s the application I was supposed to support moving forward!)
5 0 clock approaches, and Savita calls it a day. I hire a taxi (Diapro policy allowed me to do that – and I wasn’t gonna miss a chance to loot them bone dry!) and she hitch hikes a lift. En route home, I have another go at making chit-chat with her. And thankfully - this time around, she aint as bitchy as she was in the morning!
I got around to asking her about her family, how her pay stack was, how life was at Diapro the last 3 yrs, etc.
Another grueling 50 mins later, I drop her off at her hostel and head home. Once home, I called a colleague of mine called Srivatsan.
Let me give you a little info on Srivatsan. I met the little bastard for the first time during our Induction Program at Diapro. We ended up in the same training batch and since we shared similar thoughts and views on most topics (read as – “How ugly and bitchy Diapro girls were!”) – We became great friends!
He was a pretty cool person to hang out with. With him around – time flew (as did cigarette packs). And so, he was obviously the first person I wanted to meet up with at Bangalore.
Ok … enough about Srivatsan. Back to my story!
Me: “Dae Mamaa … Sharath here da !”
Srivatu: “Dae … when did u land her u bastard?”
Me: “Today morning macha … Howz u been u lousy fuck?”
Srivatu: “Good … Very good … What about you …”
Me: “I’m great bro … Hey – howz about we meet up today evening? Wat say?”
Srivatu: “Sure thing man … Forum – 8 o clock?”
Me: “Where is this place man?”
Srivatu: “Just get into an auto and ask them to take you to The Forum. Every auto wallah knows it. Don’t worry!”
Me: “Cool … It’s a date then!”
Srivatu: “Date … I aint gay u bloody bugger!!!”
Me: “Me neither … Besides – you’re not my style!”
Srivatu: “In your dreams u silly bastard … In your dreams!!!”
Me: “Ha ha ha ha … same old Srivatu …”
Srivatu: “Ha ha ha … Same old Sharath … Nice to see you here man …”
Me: “The pleasure I’m sure was all mine …”
Srivatu: “You and your lame one liners… No wonder you never get laid …”
Me: “Yeah … As if you have a lot of luck with the babes …”
Srivatu: “Now that was below the belt …”
Me: “Winston Churchill said – Hit strong … Hit hard …”
Srivatu: “There he goes again … You’re NEVER getting laid u moron!!!”
Me: “Stop jinxing me you devil!!!”
Srivatu: “ha ha ha ha … touchwood … Anyways – we’ll catch up in the evening … Got some work to wrap up before that!”
Me: “Catch you at 8 bro …”
For those people who think we being overtly aggressive or rude here – think again!
We were two really good friends meeting after close to 6 months.
I’m not sure whether any girls reading this would identify with it, but, I’m sure guys definitely identify with such re-unions.
Around 8 I head over to Forum to meet Srivatu … The second I entered Forum – I was captivated by the view. Heck – Spellbound I believe is a better term for what I was seeing.
Please pardon my frequent gaping and drooling. But hey - there were more babes in this complex that there was probably in the whole of Chennai. And I was here after a “dry phase” of over 6 months. I was bound to be “hungry”, maybe even bordering “greedy” (If you know what I mean)
I catch Srivatu standing next to the elevator drooling over every other girl in the shopping complex. Not that I was anything very different from him, but at least I was being discrete about it. But Srivatu – that moron was gaping open mouthed. It was kind of the reaction you would expect from Chuck Noland (of Castaway fame) if he was suddenly teleported to the Amazon jungle (of Wonder woman fame). He was fucking drooling from the mouth.
Me: “Dae macha …”
Srivatu: “Hey Sharath … I didn’t see you man …”
Me: “I can see that!!!”
Srivatu: “You can’t blame me … She’s got bigger tits than you!!!”
Me: “Fuck you man … You bloody pervert!”
Srivatu: “Ha ha ha ha …”
That’s Srivatsan for you …
We spent the next 1 hour catching up on what had happened in each others lives over the last 6 months. A quick dinner at KFC (which btw - was delicious. Thank you Colonel Sanders) and we head to our respective homes.
Before going home, I bought a bottle of Smirnoff Triple Distilled Vodka from the FabMall store at Forum. It was just 9.00 pm. I ordinarily didn’t sleep till 12 or 1 am. That meant – I had about 4 hours to kill, and I had nothing better to do that this.
Once home, I tried to get the caretaker of the house to make me something to snack upon (I never had vodka without something to eat). Initially the guy was like “I’m sorry sir … The kitchen closes after 9 o clock!” A 10 buck commission later – “He was like – would like Onion Pakkoda or Egg Pakkoda?”
As the wise say – “The world revolves around money!” and this was a demonstration of the principle.
6 shots of vodka later, I am totally sloshed, and asleep!
Well, let me give you some perspective as what made me do that. I had been sitting in the auto for a good 20 mins and guess how much we had moved – less than a kilometer. And, to add to the agony, there were huge company buses trying to wriggle their way through a jungle of grid locked vehicles – thereby making the traffic scenarios even worse. Not that I cared about the others stuck in the traffic block, but the stupid bus right next to my rickshaw was blowing exhaust right at my face. And heck – that was not even a new Volvo bus. It was some godforsaken Ashok Leyland primate spewing out thick black smoke. For a second there I was contemplating kicking the buses driver, but when I saw him (he was a 6 foot muscular youngster) I thought I’d rather forgive him.
;)
A few MI-2 style moves from the auto driver and 40 mins later, I was at the Diapro Bangalore campus. And I must saw – I was awestruck by the sheer magnitude of the spread. I knew that it was the largest Diapro campus in India, but this was way beyond what I had imagined.
And to add to this awe, there were good looking babes practically crawling all over the place. This was a luxury I didn’t have at Diapro Chennai. The girls there made you want to cry – nothing more, nothing less!!!
“Thank you god for this wondrous opportunity!!!” With this prayer said, I headed over to SDB – 17 to meet Savita (stands for Software Development Block 17).
When I called her from the reception, she said she was on level 4, and that she would meet me at the lounge there. “Heck … she isn’t pretty anyways … who cares where she meets me!!!” With that thought, I head up for our first rendezvous.
And true to my thought, a not-so-hot babe met me at the lounge.
Me: “Savita???”
Savita: “Sharath right … Welcome to Bangalore!”
Me: “Thanks … Bangalore rocks!”
Savita: “Yeah … I know!”
Me: “You’ve been here for long?”
Savita: “Yeah … about 2 yrs now … Hey – we should be heading inside and getting started!”
Me: (thinking) “Stupid bum … I’m trying to break the ice here, and all she can think of is work … what a lame babe … Bet she doesn’t have a social life!!!”
Ok … Maybe I was thinking rude thoughts. But in my defense – I had just got here, it had hardly been 2 mins since we met, and I was taking all the effort to make chit-chat – and all she was concerned with was work? I mean – it’s not like we were doctors or nuclear scientist … We were boring software professionals!!!
“Heck – no point in fighting her. I just got here. Lets play along” and I trailed along with her in the lead.
I don’t want to get into the events of the rest of the day simply because nothing major (read as fun) happened. It was just the regular Knowledge Transition where she “taught” me about the application and the sort of work I would be doing in a month’s time. Honestly speaking – I wasn’t even listening to her. My mind was full of “other” questions – “Where do I go sight-seeing in the evening?” “Are there are hot clubs I can go to today?” “Should I go meet all my batch mates in Bangalore – or should that wait till the weekend?”
Amidst all these wondrous and involving thoughts can you blame for having missed out what Hyperion Enterprise Solutions did (Oh … Btw – that’s the application I was supposed to support moving forward!)
5 0 clock approaches, and Savita calls it a day. I hire a taxi (Diapro policy allowed me to do that – and I wasn’t gonna miss a chance to loot them bone dry!) and she hitch hikes a lift. En route home, I have another go at making chit-chat with her. And thankfully - this time around, she aint as bitchy as she was in the morning!
I got around to asking her about her family, how her pay stack was, how life was at Diapro the last 3 yrs, etc.
Another grueling 50 mins later, I drop her off at her hostel and head home. Once home, I called a colleague of mine called Srivatsan.
Let me give you a little info on Srivatsan. I met the little bastard for the first time during our Induction Program at Diapro. We ended up in the same training batch and since we shared similar thoughts and views on most topics (read as – “How ugly and bitchy Diapro girls were!”) – We became great friends!
He was a pretty cool person to hang out with. With him around – time flew (as did cigarette packs). And so, he was obviously the first person I wanted to meet up with at Bangalore.
Ok … enough about Srivatsan. Back to my story!
Me: “Dae Mamaa … Sharath here da !”
Srivatu: “Dae … when did u land her u bastard?”
Me: “Today morning macha … Howz u been u lousy fuck?”
Srivatu: “Good … Very good … What about you …”
Me: “I’m great bro … Hey – howz about we meet up today evening? Wat say?”
Srivatu: “Sure thing man … Forum – 8 o clock?”
Me: “Where is this place man?”
Srivatu: “Just get into an auto and ask them to take you to The Forum. Every auto wallah knows it. Don’t worry!”
Me: “Cool … It’s a date then!”
Srivatu: “Date … I aint gay u bloody bugger!!!”
Me: “Me neither … Besides – you’re not my style!”
Srivatu: “In your dreams u silly bastard … In your dreams!!!”
Me: “Ha ha ha ha … same old Srivatu …”
Srivatu: “Ha ha ha … Same old Sharath … Nice to see you here man …”
Me: “The pleasure I’m sure was all mine …”
Srivatu: “You and your lame one liners… No wonder you never get laid …”
Me: “Yeah … As if you have a lot of luck with the babes …”
Srivatu: “Now that was below the belt …”
Me: “Winston Churchill said – Hit strong … Hit hard …”
Srivatu: “There he goes again … You’re NEVER getting laid u moron!!!”
Me: “Stop jinxing me you devil!!!”
Srivatu: “ha ha ha ha … touchwood … Anyways – we’ll catch up in the evening … Got some work to wrap up before that!”
Me: “Catch you at 8 bro …”
For those people who think we being overtly aggressive or rude here – think again!
We were two really good friends meeting after close to 6 months.
I’m not sure whether any girls reading this would identify with it, but, I’m sure guys definitely identify with such re-unions.
Around 8 I head over to Forum to meet Srivatu … The second I entered Forum – I was captivated by the view. Heck – Spellbound I believe is a better term for what I was seeing.
Please pardon my frequent gaping and drooling. But hey - there were more babes in this complex that there was probably in the whole of Chennai. And I was here after a “dry phase” of over 6 months. I was bound to be “hungry”, maybe even bordering “greedy” (If you know what I mean)
I catch Srivatu standing next to the elevator drooling over every other girl in the shopping complex. Not that I was anything very different from him, but at least I was being discrete about it. But Srivatu – that moron was gaping open mouthed. It was kind of the reaction you would expect from Chuck Noland (of Castaway fame) if he was suddenly teleported to the Amazon jungle (of Wonder woman fame). He was fucking drooling from the mouth.
Me: “Dae macha …”
Srivatu: “Hey Sharath … I didn’t see you man …”
Me: “I can see that!!!”
Srivatu: “You can’t blame me … She’s got bigger tits than you!!!”
Me: “Fuck you man … You bloody pervert!”
Srivatu: “Ha ha ha ha …”
That’s Srivatsan for you …
We spent the next 1 hour catching up on what had happened in each others lives over the last 6 months. A quick dinner at KFC (which btw - was delicious. Thank you Colonel Sanders) and we head to our respective homes.
Before going home, I bought a bottle of Smirnoff Triple Distilled Vodka from the FabMall store at Forum. It was just 9.00 pm. I ordinarily didn’t sleep till 12 or 1 am. That meant – I had about 4 hours to kill, and I had nothing better to do that this.
Once home, I tried to get the caretaker of the house to make me something to snack upon (I never had vodka without something to eat). Initially the guy was like “I’m sorry sir … The kitchen closes after 9 o clock!” A 10 buck commission later – “He was like – would like Onion Pakkoda or Egg Pakkoda?”
As the wise say – “The world revolves around money!” and this was a demonstration of the principle.
6 shots of vodka later, I am totally sloshed, and asleep!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Final Destination – Bangalore
I had been asked my travel agent to get down at a place called Silk Board. Once I got down, I was to take a rickshaw to BTM Stage I. I had been booked accommodation at a service apartment somewhere there. He had assured me that it was a famous one and I would have no issues finding it.
At 5.00 am, the bus conductor wakes me up. “Sir … We’ve reached Silk Board … You wanted to get off here – right?”
I thank him for waking me up, collect my luggage and get off. I had barely gotten off the bus when I was flocked by rickshaw wallas trying to lure me to get into their auto instead of the others. I randomly picked one guys and head over to his rickshaw. I showed him the address, and he nodded saying he knew the place. Being used to the auto system in Chennai – where, by the way, the autorickshaw meters move faster than the autos themselves (thanks to having been sabotaged) – I asked him “How much for the ride?”. He says “100 bucks”. I was a little stumped on hearing the amount. But being half asleep, and under the impression that BTM Stage I is far away, I agreed to his demands.
He starts his auto, takes the first left and the next right and voila, we are in front of my service apartments. I was left wondering – “I have to pay this creep 100 bucks for this short a trip? I could’ve walked to this place! Heck – these blokes are worse than their counterparts in Chennai!!!”
But heck – it was a company reimbursed trip. What did I care if he siphoned off 100 bucks from me? It was Diapro’s money at the end of the day. With that thought I handed over 100 bucks and headed up my room.
My room turned out to be a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge one. It came with a cupboard, a TV, an A/C, a table, a king sized bed, et al. I was blown over by the sort of luxurious treatment that was being meted to me. I was finally beginning to experience some sort of a respect or happiness of working for Diapro.
But, at that moment panic struck me. Oh … you’re probably wondering why. Let me take a minute to explain why!
As per Diapro policies, when a person travels on a company trip, he/she will be given a cash advance of a MAXIMUM of Rs. 5000/-. The remaining has to be paid from his pocket, and if he is lucky – as I would soon find out – and only then is he reimbursed for it.
The Diapro justification to the above policy was, “We pay the actuals’ of the expenses incurred during the trip. And if you provide us with bills for the same – we will refund the same!”
But, every Tom, Dick and Harry in the company knew that the actual reason for this was– “Instead of giving him money, I will make him spend money. And once he does that, I will refund only part of the total amount – citing various policies and practices as to why “xyz” expense can not be covered under the corporate reimbursement policy! And this way – It’s his headache to get the money from us, not ours to get the money from him!”
Sadly, naïve as I was when I joined company, I wasn’t aware of the corporate conspiracy behind this whole policy – and I fell for it!!!
So, going back to where I started, the Rs. 5000/-. I had been allotted a referral guest house for my stay at Bangalore. And the charge was supposed to be Rs. 1600/-.
Since they hadn’t mentioned whether this was for a day or for the 15 days I was supposed to be there, I comfortably assumed the latter.
In my defense, I came from a college where we paid 300 rupees per month as room rent. And since this was a guest house of the company – I had no reason to believe that they would charge the cost center for anything more than the maintenance fees.
Again – Another one of my stupid and costly mistakes!!!
Well … Back to Bangalore and my big and kick ass room! So – I had come to Bangalore with 5000 bucks, and I was staring at a room for which I would have to pay a rent of Rs. 1600 /- per day.
My mind was thinking – “Wow … You just landed in Bangalore, and you got your arse whipped here too!!!”
But, I knew that something could be worked out. Worst-come-worst-case I’d have to take a loan from one of my friends/roomies. No big deal. So – that said and done, I head for a quick shave and shower.
I check my watch. It says 7.00 am. Time to call Savita’s and ask her for directions to the office.
(Tring … Tring … Tring …)
Savita: “Hello …”
Me: “Hi Savita … Sharath here …”
Savita: “Oh hi … you’ve landed already kya?”
Me: “Oh yes … as a matter of fact I landed at 5 am itself. I didn’t want to disturb you that’s why I didn’t call you till now.”
Savita: “Oh no worries … I’m already at office!”
I was stunned. What sort of an idiot goes to office at this time of the day? Not only is this girl un-attractive, but, she also turned out to be a stupid nerd! Just my luck!!!
Me: “So early???”
Savita: “Oh yeah … We have an early morning bus … I generally take that!”
Me: “Well … I’m still at home. I think I’ll need a good hour plus to get there. I hope that’s ok?”
Savita: “Sure … No hurries … Give me a call when you get here. I am in building 17, 4th floor.”
Me: “Cool … I’ll see you – hopefully – in another hour”
Savita: “Fine then … Bye!”
Me: “Have a nice day … Bye!”
And I got off the phone.
I ask the caretaker of the guest house for directions to the office, and thanks to the fact that this guest office had seen many Diapro guests, he asked me to take a rickshaw to our Electronic City.
Me: “How far is it from here?”
Caretaker: “About 12 kms sir …”
Oh … Oh … That’s bad news. I was charged 100 bucks for a 25 feet trip in the morning. If I travel 12 kms, I might have to sell of my kidney to pay for the rickshaw. Heck – I’d even have to sell off the caretakers kidneys!!!
Me: “The autos here, are the expensive?”
Caretaker: “No sir … You only need to pay the meter charge!”
Me: “But I was charged 100 bucks for the trip from Silk Board to the guest house today morning!”
Caretaker: “Sir … In the mornings and after 10 pm they charge exorbitant rates!”
Me: “Oh … Like that eh … Cool … Thanks for the inputs man … I owe you one!”
Caretaker: “It is my duty sir …”
With a smile, I head out for my first day at Diapro Bangalore. Heck – I am lying - I didn’t a damn about reaching office on time. What I wanted was to get out on the streets and see all those IT professional chicks - which Bangalore was so famous for – before they got on their company buses and left!
The climate was pleasant, and as soon as I hit the main road I could see hordes of babes moving around. All sizes, all shapes, all ages, all colors. “Man … The hype was 101% true … This was babe central …” Finally, lady luck was smiling at me.
I quickly hire a rickshaw and head to my office. Savita would be waiting for me.
At 5.00 am, the bus conductor wakes me up. “Sir … We’ve reached Silk Board … You wanted to get off here – right?”
I thank him for waking me up, collect my luggage and get off. I had barely gotten off the bus when I was flocked by rickshaw wallas trying to lure me to get into their auto instead of the others. I randomly picked one guys and head over to his rickshaw. I showed him the address, and he nodded saying he knew the place. Being used to the auto system in Chennai – where, by the way, the autorickshaw meters move faster than the autos themselves (thanks to having been sabotaged) – I asked him “How much for the ride?”. He says “100 bucks”. I was a little stumped on hearing the amount. But being half asleep, and under the impression that BTM Stage I is far away, I agreed to his demands.
He starts his auto, takes the first left and the next right and voila, we are in front of my service apartments. I was left wondering – “I have to pay this creep 100 bucks for this short a trip? I could’ve walked to this place! Heck – these blokes are worse than their counterparts in Chennai!!!”
But heck – it was a company reimbursed trip. What did I care if he siphoned off 100 bucks from me? It was Diapro’s money at the end of the day. With that thought I handed over 100 bucks and headed up my room.
My room turned out to be a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge one. It came with a cupboard, a TV, an A/C, a table, a king sized bed, et al. I was blown over by the sort of luxurious treatment that was being meted to me. I was finally beginning to experience some sort of a respect or happiness of working for Diapro.
But, at that moment panic struck me. Oh … you’re probably wondering why. Let me take a minute to explain why!
As per Diapro policies, when a person travels on a company trip, he/she will be given a cash advance of a MAXIMUM of Rs. 5000/-. The remaining has to be paid from his pocket, and if he is lucky – as I would soon find out – and only then is he reimbursed for it.
The Diapro justification to the above policy was, “We pay the actuals’ of the expenses incurred during the trip. And if you provide us with bills for the same – we will refund the same!”
But, every Tom, Dick and Harry in the company knew that the actual reason for this was– “Instead of giving him money, I will make him spend money. And once he does that, I will refund only part of the total amount – citing various policies and practices as to why “xyz” expense can not be covered under the corporate reimbursement policy! And this way – It’s his headache to get the money from us, not ours to get the money from him!”
Sadly, naïve as I was when I joined company, I wasn’t aware of the corporate conspiracy behind this whole policy – and I fell for it!!!
So, going back to where I started, the Rs. 5000/-. I had been allotted a referral guest house for my stay at Bangalore. And the charge was supposed to be Rs. 1600/-.
Since they hadn’t mentioned whether this was for a day or for the 15 days I was supposed to be there, I comfortably assumed the latter.
In my defense, I came from a college where we paid 300 rupees per month as room rent. And since this was a guest house of the company – I had no reason to believe that they would charge the cost center for anything more than the maintenance fees.
Again – Another one of my stupid and costly mistakes!!!
Well … Back to Bangalore and my big and kick ass room! So – I had come to Bangalore with 5000 bucks, and I was staring at a room for which I would have to pay a rent of Rs. 1600 /- per day.
My mind was thinking – “Wow … You just landed in Bangalore, and you got your arse whipped here too!!!”
But, I knew that something could be worked out. Worst-come-worst-case I’d have to take a loan from one of my friends/roomies. No big deal. So – that said and done, I head for a quick shave and shower.
I check my watch. It says 7.00 am. Time to call Savita’s and ask her for directions to the office.
(Tring … Tring … Tring …)
Savita: “Hello …”
Me: “Hi Savita … Sharath here …”
Savita: “Oh hi … you’ve landed already kya?”
Me: “Oh yes … as a matter of fact I landed at 5 am itself. I didn’t want to disturb you that’s why I didn’t call you till now.”
Savita: “Oh no worries … I’m already at office!”
I was stunned. What sort of an idiot goes to office at this time of the day? Not only is this girl un-attractive, but, she also turned out to be a stupid nerd! Just my luck!!!
Me: “So early???”
Savita: “Oh yeah … We have an early morning bus … I generally take that!”
Me: “Well … I’m still at home. I think I’ll need a good hour plus to get there. I hope that’s ok?”
Savita: “Sure … No hurries … Give me a call when you get here. I am in building 17, 4th floor.”
Me: “Cool … I’ll see you – hopefully – in another hour”
Savita: “Fine then … Bye!”
Me: “Have a nice day … Bye!”
And I got off the phone.
I ask the caretaker of the guest house for directions to the office, and thanks to the fact that this guest office had seen many Diapro guests, he asked me to take a rickshaw to our Electronic City.
Me: “How far is it from here?”
Caretaker: “About 12 kms sir …”
Oh … Oh … That’s bad news. I was charged 100 bucks for a 25 feet trip in the morning. If I travel 12 kms, I might have to sell of my kidney to pay for the rickshaw. Heck – I’d even have to sell off the caretakers kidneys!!!
Me: “The autos here, are the expensive?”
Caretaker: “No sir … You only need to pay the meter charge!”
Me: “But I was charged 100 bucks for the trip from Silk Board to the guest house today morning!”
Caretaker: “Sir … In the mornings and after 10 pm they charge exorbitant rates!”
Me: “Oh … Like that eh … Cool … Thanks for the inputs man … I owe you one!”
Caretaker: “It is my duty sir …”
With a smile, I head out for my first day at Diapro Bangalore. Heck – I am lying - I didn’t a damn about reaching office on time. What I wanted was to get out on the streets and see all those IT professional chicks - which Bangalore was so famous for – before they got on their company buses and left!
The climate was pleasant, and as soon as I hit the main road I could see hordes of babes moving around. All sizes, all shapes, all ages, all colors. “Man … The hype was 101% true … This was babe central …” Finally, lady luck was smiling at me.
I quickly hire a rickshaw and head to my office. Savita would be waiting for me.
Jan 1st 2006 – Even the longest and the most screwed up years start with the first day!
Around 8.30 am, I got up. More like – I had to get up! Suji’s (short for Sujitha) had gotten up, and like every kid his age, the first thing he did was wake the whole family up.
I was surprised to see Suji sitting there on the sofa and smiling that really sweet smile of hers.
Suji: “Good morning da … Slept well?”
Me: “Yeah … Really well … How come you’re up so early?”
Suji: “Well … I’m used to getting up early. And btw – Happy New Year da!”
Me: “Happy New year to you too sweets … Where’s Kakku and Ayyub?”
Suji: “Those lazy bums haven’t gotten up yet!”
Another 5 minutes later, I saw Kakku and Ayyub in the hall. Clearly, Omm had visited their room as well. Sally and Hasna had joined us as well. By this time auntie had come into the hall holding a tray of coffee and tea for the whole group.
I exchanged another round of “Good Mornings” and “Happy New Year” with the rest of the crew and headed off to the washroom to clean up.
After our coffees, I lean over to Suji’s ear and whisper “Dude … Do u have any idea how off u were yesterday?”
Suji: “Really … I don’t remember anything da!”
Me: “Don’t worry sweets … I have everything on video … I took the liberty yesterday …”
Saying this I flip fish out my cell phone and hand it over to Suji. An obviously puzzled and curious Suji starts watching the video. Another 5 mins later, she was all smiles.
Suji: “Wow … I didn’t know alcohol could do this to people.”
Me: “You’re a first timer Na … No worries … You will improve over time … I promise!”
Suji: “Well … I’m looking forward to that …”
One thing I could say for sure - after the experience the previous night – Me, Suji, Ayyub, and Kakku were going to be really good friends for life. Heck – It was a wonderful New Year after all!
After a sumptuous breakfast, I decided to head to my aunts place. I had promised them that I’d be there by lunch time and that we would dine together. After thanking auntie and Suji for their hospitality and for letting me stay the night, I head over to my house to clean up.
After a quick shower and change of clothes, I head over to my aunts place. Oh before I forget – Jabar had not yet returned. I bet he was at his girls place. “The lucky bastard…” I thought before heading out.
Once at my aunt’s place, I wished everyone – my sis, uncle and auntie – a Very Happy New Years’, and they reciprocated in kind. Once the initial hungama settled down, my aunt started off with her interrogation
Auntie: “Where were you yesterday?”
Me: “I was invited to dinner by a few friends from work.”
Auntie: “And …”
Me: “I went over had dinner with those guys and came back home”
Auntie: “Hmmmm … So you didn’t go to any club or bar yesterday?”
Obviously I had expected these questions from her, and I had rehearsed my answers on my ride from my place to hers.
Me: “Ayooooooeee … Why would you think I’d do that? Those places are extremely expensive to go to, and I’m not stupid to go there!”
Auntie: “Don’t lie to me da …”
Me: “Seriously auntie … Why would I lie to you. I work at Diapro remember. I don’t earn enough to party at these so called clubs.”
That did it. She decided to call it quits.
Maybe that last statement was the debate winner. Or for all you know - maybe she wasn’t very bothered about where I was the previous night. But heck – the interrogation had ended, and I wasn’t about to incite another round of it by clarifying the same with her.
My sis – who I confided in – leans over and started her interrogation
Sis: “Where were you yesterday?”
Me: “I was at a friends place … My roomie was there at home … So – I went over to her place to spend New Years”
Sis: “HER???”
Me: “Oh … don’t worry … she’s married, and she had a kid!”
Sis: (Obviously relieved) “Oh … then no problems!”
Me: “I had a fun time … We had dinner … We all got together for a movie after that … wished each other Happy New Year and then crashed!” I lied.
Sis: “Oh that’s nice …”
I felt guilty lying to her. I’m a little protective about my friends, and I didn’t want Suji to look like a bad person in front of them. So, I had to lie. It didn’t make me feel good, and I knew I was going to hell for it – but I lied. But hey - In my defense I’d like to quote Winston Churchill “A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do”.
Enough of this melodrama!!! Let’s move on!
An eventless half-day later, I started packing for my trip - that night - to Bangalore.
As per the Diapro travel policies, I was eligible for a Volvo A/C Sleeper Bus tickets, or a 2nd A/C Train tickets for my travel. I had chosen the former. Why? It was the more expensive one. And I simply wanted to get as much out of this trip - and Diapro for that matter - as possible. Hey – In my defense, they were paying me peanuts as salary, and there was no such thing as a job satisfaction. Hence, this was my way of getting revenge!
So, at around 10 pm, I head over to Koyambeddu bus terminus (that’s where I was supposed to board my bus). The auto rickshaws of Chennai are most famous for two things
1. Meters that spins faster than their autos move.
2. The mind boggling – exorbitant even – rates they charge.
And true to their reputation, I was charged 100 bucks for a 4 kms trip. But heck - It was the first time I was traveling by an A/C sleeper bus, and frankly, I was very excited about the whole deal.
I must say, I was very pleased with the sort of facilities and comfort the bus offered. The only disadvantage to it – V/S its train counterpart – was that there were no toilets.
In the event I wanted to take a leak, I had to do it in open air. But hey – I was a guy and let’s call it One-of-the-Perks-of-being-born-as-a-guy – “The world is your toilet!” So, as per me, it wasn’t a major disadvantage at all.
So, I settle down for a nice well deserved sleep. Tomorrow morning, Bangalore!!!
I was surprised to see Suji sitting there on the sofa and smiling that really sweet smile of hers.
Suji: “Good morning da … Slept well?”
Me: “Yeah … Really well … How come you’re up so early?”
Suji: “Well … I’m used to getting up early. And btw – Happy New Year da!”
Me: “Happy New year to you too sweets … Where’s Kakku and Ayyub?”
Suji: “Those lazy bums haven’t gotten up yet!”
Another 5 minutes later, I saw Kakku and Ayyub in the hall. Clearly, Omm had visited their room as well. Sally and Hasna had joined us as well. By this time auntie had come into the hall holding a tray of coffee and tea for the whole group.
I exchanged another round of “Good Mornings” and “Happy New Year” with the rest of the crew and headed off to the washroom to clean up.
After our coffees, I lean over to Suji’s ear and whisper “Dude … Do u have any idea how off u were yesterday?”
Suji: “Really … I don’t remember anything da!”
Me: “Don’t worry sweets … I have everything on video … I took the liberty yesterday …”
Saying this I flip fish out my cell phone and hand it over to Suji. An obviously puzzled and curious Suji starts watching the video. Another 5 mins later, she was all smiles.
Suji: “Wow … I didn’t know alcohol could do this to people.”
Me: “You’re a first timer Na … No worries … You will improve over time … I promise!”
Suji: “Well … I’m looking forward to that …”
One thing I could say for sure - after the experience the previous night – Me, Suji, Ayyub, and Kakku were going to be really good friends for life. Heck – It was a wonderful New Year after all!
After a sumptuous breakfast, I decided to head to my aunts place. I had promised them that I’d be there by lunch time and that we would dine together. After thanking auntie and Suji for their hospitality and for letting me stay the night, I head over to my house to clean up.
After a quick shower and change of clothes, I head over to my aunts place. Oh before I forget – Jabar had not yet returned. I bet he was at his girls place. “The lucky bastard…” I thought before heading out.
Once at my aunt’s place, I wished everyone – my sis, uncle and auntie – a Very Happy New Years’, and they reciprocated in kind. Once the initial hungama settled down, my aunt started off with her interrogation
Auntie: “Where were you yesterday?”
Me: “I was invited to dinner by a few friends from work.”
Auntie: “And …”
Me: “I went over had dinner with those guys and came back home”
Auntie: “Hmmmm … So you didn’t go to any club or bar yesterday?”
Obviously I had expected these questions from her, and I had rehearsed my answers on my ride from my place to hers.
Me: “Ayooooooeee … Why would you think I’d do that? Those places are extremely expensive to go to, and I’m not stupid to go there!”
Auntie: “Don’t lie to me da …”
Me: “Seriously auntie … Why would I lie to you. I work at Diapro remember. I don’t earn enough to party at these so called clubs.”
That did it. She decided to call it quits.
Maybe that last statement was the debate winner. Or for all you know - maybe she wasn’t very bothered about where I was the previous night. But heck – the interrogation had ended, and I wasn’t about to incite another round of it by clarifying the same with her.
My sis – who I confided in – leans over and started her interrogation
Sis: “Where were you yesterday?”
Me: “I was at a friends place … My roomie was there at home … So – I went over to her place to spend New Years”
Sis: “HER???”
Me: “Oh … don’t worry … she’s married, and she had a kid!”
Sis: (Obviously relieved) “Oh … then no problems!”
Me: “I had a fun time … We had dinner … We all got together for a movie after that … wished each other Happy New Year and then crashed!” I lied.
Sis: “Oh that’s nice …”
I felt guilty lying to her. I’m a little protective about my friends, and I didn’t want Suji to look like a bad person in front of them. So, I had to lie. It didn’t make me feel good, and I knew I was going to hell for it – but I lied. But hey - In my defense I’d like to quote Winston Churchill “A man’s got to do what a man’s got to do”.
Enough of this melodrama!!! Let’s move on!
An eventless half-day later, I started packing for my trip - that night - to Bangalore.
As per the Diapro travel policies, I was eligible for a Volvo A/C Sleeper Bus tickets, or a 2nd A/C Train tickets for my travel. I had chosen the former. Why? It was the more expensive one. And I simply wanted to get as much out of this trip - and Diapro for that matter - as possible. Hey – In my defense, they were paying me peanuts as salary, and there was no such thing as a job satisfaction. Hence, this was my way of getting revenge!
So, at around 10 pm, I head over to Koyambeddu bus terminus (that’s where I was supposed to board my bus). The auto rickshaws of Chennai are most famous for two things
1. Meters that spins faster than their autos move.
2. The mind boggling – exorbitant even – rates they charge.
And true to their reputation, I was charged 100 bucks for a 4 kms trip. But heck - It was the first time I was traveling by an A/C sleeper bus, and frankly, I was very excited about the whole deal.
I must say, I was very pleased with the sort of facilities and comfort the bus offered. The only disadvantage to it – V/S its train counterpart – was that there were no toilets.
In the event I wanted to take a leak, I had to do it in open air. But hey – I was a guy and let’s call it One-of-the-Perks-of-being-born-as-a-guy – “The world is your toilet!” So, as per me, it wasn’t a major disadvantage at all.
So, I settle down for a nice well deserved sleep. Tomorrow morning, Bangalore!!!
Friday, September 21, 2007
New Years 2006 – JACKED with a capital J !!!
Pak had informed me that my KT was to start on 2-Jan-2006. In the enthusiasm to go to Bangalore, I had agreed. But, it was only when I came back home that I realized that this meant my New Year plans would be jacked.
I had planned to go home to Cochin for the weekend and spend the New Years celebrating with mom and dad. It was nothing phenomenal. All we did – every year at New Years – was go to a club called the “Rama Varma Club” in cochin, sit through some boring Orchestra sessions, watch a few of the older member uncles get drunk and make a fool of themselves on. If you’re wondering how that happens – well, try drinking a lot of whisky and then get your friends to convince you that you are a good singer. The next thing you’ll know (read as – what you’ll hear from your friends/family/wife) is that you stumbled up on stage, snatched the mike from the singer onstage and then started singing some number from the 60’s in a completely drunk stupor. At his expense, we all had a good laugh.
But, the whole idea behind the exercise of spending New Years at my parents’ house was just to keep them happy. Ever since I went to college, I’ve never been able to make it any of the Keralaite functions like Onam, Vishu, Diwali, etc. And this was my way of making amend. Think of it as my 10 cents towards keeping that big smile on mom and dad’s face.
But now, thanks to these new plans, I had to cancel on that!
:-(
With a heavy heart I call up mom and dad and explain to them that I won’t be able to make it for new years’ this year. It was obvious that they were upset. But as dad put – “All we want is the best for you. And there is no chance in hell you’re screwing up your career to come to Cochin. New Year will come next year also. We’ll party then!”
In those 2 mins, the tables had turned. I had called thinking I’d have to console my parents about having to cancel our New Year plans, and now – Dad was telling me “Don’t worry son … Everything is going to be alright!”
But heck – that’s what makes them the best parents ever. Mom and dad – You two Rock!!!
There was no chance in hell I was going to spend 31st in the train. Call me superstitious if you must – but the last time I did that – I ended up having a screwed up year. I broke my leg. Dad grounded me on more than one occasion (something he never ever does, unless I’m beating the shit out of my brother and he happens to see it “live”), I had my cycle given away to some idiot at dad’s office - because dad caught me trying to race with a paandi lorry … (you get the general idea!)
So, to avoid such a “bad” year again, I had specifically instructed the travel desk to get me tickets for 1-Jan-2006. It was a Sunday, and since I’d get to Bangalore by around 5 am, I could easily make it to work. And to Pak, it meant reduced billing to the account (if you didn’t know – the Pespi account would have to bear my living expenses whilst I was in Bangalore on relocation) – so he gladly agreed.
Now, with that settled, I needed something to do for new years. John, Sanju, Thommi, GayM and Binna were heading to their respective homes on the 27th of Dec itself. That left me with Jabar.
There were two reasons I didn’t prefer that.
1. He never boozed (“I’m a Muslim, and so I am not allowed to booze!” is what he always came up with in his defense. But the million dollar question we roomies asked him was – “You have affairs with all the sluttish girls in your office. That’s not very Muslim like is it! But when we ask you to join us for a drink you always give us this stupid excuse eh!” But – charming as he was – he always gave us a stupid grin and the topic was dropped). And since he didn’t booze, it wasn’t going to be any fun to hit a New Years party with him.
2. That bloke already had a date (Dates is more like it) for New Years.
That left me in a dilemma. The only other choice I had was to spend New Years’ at my uncles and aunts place. And that - to me atleast - was torture personified. Come on – think of it … My uncle would ask me to switch the TV off at 9.30, and at 10.00 pm – if I hadn’t slept by then – I’d get a solid 30 min lecture on why the children of my generation was going to hell!!!
Not a very pretty way of spending New Years’ eh!
So, in a confused and despair filled stupor, I called one of my closest friends Sumitha.
Let me take a diversion here from the main story and take a moment to explain how me and Sumitha met and became such good friends.
We had a mallu (short for Malayali) group at Diapro. And the members were pretty cool (read as fun to talk to). And since I had nothing important to do, I had dedicated my time to network with them and make new friends.
So, It was just another day at work, and (as always) I was googling for something or the other when I get this forward from someone called Sumitha. Her name struck me. It was not something you hear every day. I looked her up on the Diapro People Portal (christened “Finder” by Diapro) and what I saw was a reasonably attractive lady smiling away to glory.
Instincts kicked in and before you knew it – I had sent her a reply.
The usual crappy pick up lines - “Hi … How are you … I am from Cochin … Where are u from …”.
And I think she was equally jobless, because within 2 mins, I received the reply to that mail.
We exchanged a few more mails, and that’s when I asked her to come online for a chat. She – being jobless to the core, like most fellow Diapro’ites – acceded.
One thing led to the other, and I suggested that we meet for a juice at the office canteen in another 30 mins. I dunno whether it’s because I am “that good” or whether it was because she was in the mood for a juice – but she agreed.
But, somehow, something about marriage came up during our chat and I told her – “You should invite me to ur marriage when it happens!”
She was like – “Ayyoooo … I am already married and I have a kid!”
I was like – “Fuck you Sharath … you wasted your time – AGAIN!!! And this time – she’s not only married, she also has a KID!!! Your juice ka paisa Goooooovindaaaaaaaaaa!!!”
But, heck, I had already invited her for a juice. And it was too late to back off. Atleast I’ve made a new friend (sounds a tad like the good ol “Grapes and the Fox” story eh!)
That’s how we met. From that meeting, our friendship grew leaps and bounds. She was cool to hang out with, and I had realized had a made a gold mine of a discovery for a friend.
Now, back to main story …
So, its 31st Dec, around 7 pm. I don’t have a date, my house is empty, and I shudder at the thought of having to go to my uncles’ place and spend the New Years’ there. I was thinking – I’d rather sit alone at home, play some music and get drunk here rather than go over there.
With this depressing thought, I decided to call up Sumitha. Atleast I should wish her before the networks jam.
I explained the shit-hole I was in, and she coolly suggested – “Why don’t you join us for New Year?”
Me: “What???”
Sumitha: “Yeah … Why don’t you … Me, Amma, Omm, Kakku, Ayyub, Sally and Hasna will be there. It’ll be cool if you join us …”
Omm was Sumitha’s 8 month old son, Kakku was Sumitha’s younger sister, Ayyub was Kakku's hubby, Sally and Hasna were two of her closest friends. And I was honored that she had thought of me as close enough to invite to such a private party.
Me: “Are you sure … I don’t want to barge into a family thingy you see!”
Sumitha: “Are you nuts … And what’s with the formality? Something the matter?”
Me: “No da … Just trying not to end up as an pain-in-the-arse for your family outing”
Sumitha: “Shut up fool … So – we’ll be going to Kabab Court on ECR. Why don’t you join us in another 30 mins?”
Me: “Wow … thanks for the invite man. You just saved my day!”
Sumitha: “No sweat …”
Me: “But sweety … Is there anything else planned for the after-dinner session? I don’t want to remain sober on New Years’ ever” I asked with a mischievous note.
Sumitha: “You come over da … It’ll be worth your while …” She said with an equally mischievous note
And so, it was settled. I was going to celebrate New Years’ with Sumitha family…
I take 20 mins to call up all my friends and family member and wish them a Happy New Year in advance. The justification I gave was – “The network will be jammed at mid night. That’s why!” when in reality I meant – “I don’t know how drunk I will be then, so – I’m doing all the wishing well in advance!”
:D
A quick shower, some hair gel, and I am off to Kabab Court… I didn’t go 1 km when I got stuck in a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge traffic block. It was New Years’ eve, and all the happening parties were happening on all the private beaches along ECR. All these cars were heading over. Well … No use complaining – there is no other option but to wait.
Thankfully, Sumitha’s car was also caught up in traffic. So – I didn’t have to worry about standing them up!
Another gruesome 35 mins pass, and I manage to find a parking spot at Kabab Court. (ordinarily, it would’ve taken my 5 mins to get there)
Still a little apprehensive about having to barge into her families thunder, I enter the restaurant and look around for Sumitha.
“Sharath … Over here …”
Tracing the source of the voice, I found Sumitha – and the rest of the crew - sitting at the corner table – almost hidden from view.
Heck, I had come this far, Its too late to feel remorse for having trashed her party…
Sumitha introduces me to her mom, Kakku and Ayyub, Hasna and Sally (Oh … I forgot to mention, before this date, I hadn’t met any of them). I greet them with a pleasant smile and sit down.
I saw Sumitha’s son playing at her lap. In a fraction of a second an idea struck me – “The best way to break the ice is to start playing with her kid. That way everyone will think I’m a nice guy!”
So, I take her son in my lap and start making all sorts of weird sounds. People who’re reading this and think I’m weird – “Hey … this is what they do in the movies …” Besides, I didn’t have too much experience around kids. The only kid I knew was my niece Neha, and she was hardly 2 months old. So – in my defense, yet again I claim – I am new to handling small kids!
What the heck – back to story.
So here I am trying to make the baby smile et al. The people around the table were giving me an appreciative glance, and I was thinking at the back of my head – “Its working!!!”.
That’s when, Omm reached out for the soup bowl on my table. And as you’d have guessed it – the bloody soup toppled – onto my lap.
I had two options, drop the kid and clean the soup. Or hold the kid, and let the scorching burn on my thighs burn on. Obviously, I couldn’t drop the kid. It just wasn’t the sane thing to do. It’d make me look like one of those creepy “serial killer” in the movies AND more importantly - get kicked out of this party. So, without a choice, I held on to Omm and let the soup burn my thighs.
Thankfully, Kakku, who was right next to me, took Omm from my hand giving me a chance to mop my soiled pants. “WTF … It was a brand new pair of jeans … And that too Lee Cooper!!!”
A moment later I thought to myself - “What the hell… It was not as if he did it on purpose… Besides, he’s just a small baby … And hey – on the positive side – Ice Breaking session was 101% successful. People here love me!”
With that victorious feeling in mind, I excused myself to the men’s room, cleaned up and came back. And guess what – Aunty (Sumitha’s mom) was offering me her bowl of soup. She went like – “You didn’t even get to have a sip … Here … Take mine … It tastes good you know!”
I wasn’t a stranger anymore. I was being treated like family. “Woooooooooooooow!!! Thanks Omm … You just made my day!”
And after a tasty, sumptuous, fun-filled, chat-laden dinner, we head home for the after party.
Its only when I went home with them, I realized that Sally and Hasna were room mates. They stayed on the ground floor, whereas Sumitha stayed on the 4th floor.
We all headed up to Sumitha’s apartments’, and there we chit-chat for about 30 mins. (We didn’t want Aunty to suspect we were up to no good did we!)
;-)
After about 30 mins pass, Sumitha eyed me and Ayyub to go get the bottles. I signaled Ayyub and we both left. We told Aunty, “We’re going for a quick stroll …”
I’m not sure whether she understood what was on our minds, or she was indeed so naïve to believe that we were probably going for a stroll – but she didn’t even raise an eyebrow.
Together, me and Ayyub head over to the TASMAC shop (as it is called in Tamil Nadu) to buy Vodka.
Its not like I fancied vodka, but since the ladies were beginners (except Sally – who was a veteran in this field), we settled for it.
Since Ayyub had paid for the dinner, I wanted to sponsor the bottles. After a little bit of insisting on my part, he agreed.
A couple of bottles of Limca, Soda and Sprite and we were good to head back.
Obviously, we couldn’t take the drinks up to Sumitha’s place. Aunty would probably throw us all out. So, we decided to stash the stuff at Sally’s place and come back for em later into the night.
I headed up to get the apartment keys from Sally, and Ayyub stood guard downstairs. 10 mins later, we had stashed the stuff into her fridge and were back at Sumitha’s.
Everyone got together and we spent the next hour chatting about a lot of topics, ranging from the screwed up company that Diapro was to our futures, etc, etc, etc …
Around 11.00 clock, Omm and Aunty pucker up and head to the bedroom to sleep. We – Ayyub, myself, Kakku, Sally, Hasna – excuse ourselves saying we want to stay up till the stroke of 12 and head over to Sally’s apartments. Sumitha said she’d join us once Omm and mom was asleep.
Heck, I didn’t care if she came. If she didn’t – it just meant more Vodka for me. If she came – It meant more masti. After all – as the wise say – “The more the merrier!”
It was a win-win situation for me.
Once at Sally’s place, we run around to get everything in order – glasses, snacks, ice-cubes, paper, ashtrays, etc. For the non-drinkers out there – just so that you know - It’s a lot of work to organize a party. But hey – It’s worth every bit of it!
:)
Somehow, once everything was ready, I suggested that we wait for Sumitha. After all – It was she who had invited me over. And besides - she wanted to “start” boozing.
Another 20 mins later – Sumitha knocks on the door, and voila the party began!
The first-timers, Hasna and Sumitha, were very enthralled about the whole deal. The looks on their faces was the same as that you’d see on a 6 yr old when you got him his first cycle. I poured them both a large vodka, topped their glasses with Sprite.
Ayyub and me, on the other hand, preferred Vodka with Limca.
Sally – being the veteran that she was – proceeded to pour herself a double large, added some ice and some vodka.
We muttered cheers (as is the custom before drinking) and the party was officially kick started. Another 20 mins later, Sumitha, Sally and Hasna had already washed down 2 rounds each. Hasna was sitting in one corner – silent as silent can be. Whereas Sally and Sumitha – well they were making complete jokers of themselves.
It was an ecstatic visual treat - Watching Sumitha muttering all sorts of nonsensical glib. Me and Ayyub – we were still on round 1 – were thoroughly enjoying ourselves.
Well … For those who are very sharp and give importance to detail, they must’ve realized by now that I haven’t talked about Kakku in this party. Well, its for good reason. Kakku was 8 months pregnant around that time. And hence – we had forbid her from boozing. So – she was busy sitting in one corner finishing off all the chicken fry we had bought.
Another 20 mins, and the clock struck mid-night. “Yahooooooooo … 2006 is here!”
We exchanged hugs and wishes and continued with the boozing. By now, Sumitha and Sally were flat out. Sumitha could hardly stand, Sally was dancing, and even the so-far silent Hasna was opening up and muttering some nonsense.
Poor Ayyub and me… We had just got onto our second round of drinks and by then the bottle was over. The girls had emptied it.
So much for getting drunk and passing out… But bottom line – It was better to have everyone around you drunk rather than getting drunk yourself.
“Kudos to all you wonderful people … “
Another 30 mins later the party was officially over (read as there was no more Vodka or Chicken left!).
Sumitha being too drunk to walk slept on the couch. Sally and Hasna went to their rooms. I went upstairs – to Sumitha’s flat – along with Ayyub and Kakku.
I had planned to go home to Cochin for the weekend and spend the New Years celebrating with mom and dad. It was nothing phenomenal. All we did – every year at New Years – was go to a club called the “Rama Varma Club” in cochin, sit through some boring Orchestra sessions, watch a few of the older member uncles get drunk and make a fool of themselves on. If you’re wondering how that happens – well, try drinking a lot of whisky and then get your friends to convince you that you are a good singer. The next thing you’ll know (read as – what you’ll hear from your friends/family/wife) is that you stumbled up on stage, snatched the mike from the singer onstage and then started singing some number from the 60’s in a completely drunk stupor. At his expense, we all had a good laugh.
But, the whole idea behind the exercise of spending New Years at my parents’ house was just to keep them happy. Ever since I went to college, I’ve never been able to make it any of the Keralaite functions like Onam, Vishu, Diwali, etc. And this was my way of making amend. Think of it as my 10 cents towards keeping that big smile on mom and dad’s face.
But now, thanks to these new plans, I had to cancel on that!
:-(
With a heavy heart I call up mom and dad and explain to them that I won’t be able to make it for new years’ this year. It was obvious that they were upset. But as dad put – “All we want is the best for you. And there is no chance in hell you’re screwing up your career to come to Cochin. New Year will come next year also. We’ll party then!”
In those 2 mins, the tables had turned. I had called thinking I’d have to console my parents about having to cancel our New Year plans, and now – Dad was telling me “Don’t worry son … Everything is going to be alright!”
But heck – that’s what makes them the best parents ever. Mom and dad – You two Rock!!!
There was no chance in hell I was going to spend 31st in the train. Call me superstitious if you must – but the last time I did that – I ended up having a screwed up year. I broke my leg. Dad grounded me on more than one occasion (something he never ever does, unless I’m beating the shit out of my brother and he happens to see it “live”), I had my cycle given away to some idiot at dad’s office - because dad caught me trying to race with a paandi lorry … (you get the general idea!)
So, to avoid such a “bad” year again, I had specifically instructed the travel desk to get me tickets for 1-Jan-2006. It was a Sunday, and since I’d get to Bangalore by around 5 am, I could easily make it to work. And to Pak, it meant reduced billing to the account (if you didn’t know – the Pespi account would have to bear my living expenses whilst I was in Bangalore on relocation) – so he gladly agreed.
Now, with that settled, I needed something to do for new years. John, Sanju, Thommi, GayM and Binna were heading to their respective homes on the 27th of Dec itself. That left me with Jabar.
There were two reasons I didn’t prefer that.
1. He never boozed (“I’m a Muslim, and so I am not allowed to booze!” is what he always came up with in his defense. But the million dollar question we roomies asked him was – “You have affairs with all the sluttish girls in your office. That’s not very Muslim like is it! But when we ask you to join us for a drink you always give us this stupid excuse eh!” But – charming as he was – he always gave us a stupid grin and the topic was dropped). And since he didn’t booze, it wasn’t going to be any fun to hit a New Years party with him.
2. That bloke already had a date (Dates is more like it) for New Years.
That left me in a dilemma. The only other choice I had was to spend New Years’ at my uncles and aunts place. And that - to me atleast - was torture personified. Come on – think of it … My uncle would ask me to switch the TV off at 9.30, and at 10.00 pm – if I hadn’t slept by then – I’d get a solid 30 min lecture on why the children of my generation was going to hell!!!
Not a very pretty way of spending New Years’ eh!
So, in a confused and despair filled stupor, I called one of my closest friends Sumitha.
Let me take a diversion here from the main story and take a moment to explain how me and Sumitha met and became such good friends.
We had a mallu (short for Malayali) group at Diapro. And the members were pretty cool (read as fun to talk to). And since I had nothing important to do, I had dedicated my time to network with them and make new friends.
So, It was just another day at work, and (as always) I was googling for something or the other when I get this forward from someone called Sumitha. Her name struck me. It was not something you hear every day. I looked her up on the Diapro People Portal (christened “Finder” by Diapro) and what I saw was a reasonably attractive lady smiling away to glory.
Instincts kicked in and before you knew it – I had sent her a reply.
The usual crappy pick up lines - “Hi … How are you … I am from Cochin … Where are u from …”.
And I think she was equally jobless, because within 2 mins, I received the reply to that mail.
We exchanged a few more mails, and that’s when I asked her to come online for a chat. She – being jobless to the core, like most fellow Diapro’ites – acceded.
One thing led to the other, and I suggested that we meet for a juice at the office canteen in another 30 mins. I dunno whether it’s because I am “that good” or whether it was because she was in the mood for a juice – but she agreed.
But, somehow, something about marriage came up during our chat and I told her – “You should invite me to ur marriage when it happens!”
She was like – “Ayyoooo … I am already married and I have a kid!”
I was like – “Fuck you Sharath … you wasted your time – AGAIN!!! And this time – she’s not only married, she also has a KID!!! Your juice ka paisa Goooooovindaaaaaaaaaa!!!”
But, heck, I had already invited her for a juice. And it was too late to back off. Atleast I’ve made a new friend (sounds a tad like the good ol “Grapes and the Fox” story eh!)
That’s how we met. From that meeting, our friendship grew leaps and bounds. She was cool to hang out with, and I had realized had a made a gold mine of a discovery for a friend.
Now, back to main story …
So, its 31st Dec, around 7 pm. I don’t have a date, my house is empty, and I shudder at the thought of having to go to my uncles’ place and spend the New Years’ there. I was thinking – I’d rather sit alone at home, play some music and get drunk here rather than go over there.
With this depressing thought, I decided to call up Sumitha. Atleast I should wish her before the networks jam.
I explained the shit-hole I was in, and she coolly suggested – “Why don’t you join us for New Year?”
Me: “What???”
Sumitha: “Yeah … Why don’t you … Me, Amma, Omm, Kakku, Ayyub, Sally and Hasna will be there. It’ll be cool if you join us …”
Omm was Sumitha’s 8 month old son, Kakku was Sumitha’s younger sister, Ayyub was Kakku's hubby, Sally and Hasna were two of her closest friends. And I was honored that she had thought of me as close enough to invite to such a private party.
Me: “Are you sure … I don’t want to barge into a family thingy you see!”
Sumitha: “Are you nuts … And what’s with the formality? Something the matter?”
Me: “No da … Just trying not to end up as an pain-in-the-arse for your family outing”
Sumitha: “Shut up fool … So – we’ll be going to Kabab Court on ECR. Why don’t you join us in another 30 mins?”
Me: “Wow … thanks for the invite man. You just saved my day!”
Sumitha: “No sweat …”
Me: “But sweety … Is there anything else planned for the after-dinner session? I don’t want to remain sober on New Years’ ever” I asked with a mischievous note.
Sumitha: “You come over da … It’ll be worth your while …” She said with an equally mischievous note
And so, it was settled. I was going to celebrate New Years’ with Sumitha family…
I take 20 mins to call up all my friends and family member and wish them a Happy New Year in advance. The justification I gave was – “The network will be jammed at mid night. That’s why!” when in reality I meant – “I don’t know how drunk I will be then, so – I’m doing all the wishing well in advance!”
:D
A quick shower, some hair gel, and I am off to Kabab Court… I didn’t go 1 km when I got stuck in a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge traffic block. It was New Years’ eve, and all the happening parties were happening on all the private beaches along ECR. All these cars were heading over. Well … No use complaining – there is no other option but to wait.
Thankfully, Sumitha’s car was also caught up in traffic. So – I didn’t have to worry about standing them up!
Another gruesome 35 mins pass, and I manage to find a parking spot at Kabab Court. (ordinarily, it would’ve taken my 5 mins to get there)
Still a little apprehensive about having to barge into her families thunder, I enter the restaurant and look around for Sumitha.
“Sharath … Over here …”
Tracing the source of the voice, I found Sumitha – and the rest of the crew - sitting at the corner table – almost hidden from view.
Heck, I had come this far, Its too late to feel remorse for having trashed her party…
Sumitha introduces me to her mom, Kakku and Ayyub, Hasna and Sally (Oh … I forgot to mention, before this date, I hadn’t met any of them). I greet them with a pleasant smile and sit down.
I saw Sumitha’s son playing at her lap. In a fraction of a second an idea struck me – “The best way to break the ice is to start playing with her kid. That way everyone will think I’m a nice guy!”
So, I take her son in my lap and start making all sorts of weird sounds. People who’re reading this and think I’m weird – “Hey … this is what they do in the movies …” Besides, I didn’t have too much experience around kids. The only kid I knew was my niece Neha, and she was hardly 2 months old. So – in my defense, yet again I claim – I am new to handling small kids!
What the heck – back to story.
So here I am trying to make the baby smile et al. The people around the table were giving me an appreciative glance, and I was thinking at the back of my head – “Its working!!!”.
That’s when, Omm reached out for the soup bowl on my table. And as you’d have guessed it – the bloody soup toppled – onto my lap.
I had two options, drop the kid and clean the soup. Or hold the kid, and let the scorching burn on my thighs burn on. Obviously, I couldn’t drop the kid. It just wasn’t the sane thing to do. It’d make me look like one of those creepy “serial killer” in the movies AND more importantly - get kicked out of this party. So, without a choice, I held on to Omm and let the soup burn my thighs.
Thankfully, Kakku, who was right next to me, took Omm from my hand giving me a chance to mop my soiled pants. “WTF … It was a brand new pair of jeans … And that too Lee Cooper!!!”
A moment later I thought to myself - “What the hell… It was not as if he did it on purpose… Besides, he’s just a small baby … And hey – on the positive side – Ice Breaking session was 101% successful. People here love me!”
With that victorious feeling in mind, I excused myself to the men’s room, cleaned up and came back. And guess what – Aunty (Sumitha’s mom) was offering me her bowl of soup. She went like – “You didn’t even get to have a sip … Here … Take mine … It tastes good you know!”
I wasn’t a stranger anymore. I was being treated like family. “Woooooooooooooow!!! Thanks Omm … You just made my day!”
And after a tasty, sumptuous, fun-filled, chat-laden dinner, we head home for the after party.
Its only when I went home with them, I realized that Sally and Hasna were room mates. They stayed on the ground floor, whereas Sumitha stayed on the 4th floor.
We all headed up to Sumitha’s apartments’, and there we chit-chat for about 30 mins. (We didn’t want Aunty to suspect we were up to no good did we!)
;-)
After about 30 mins pass, Sumitha eyed me and Ayyub to go get the bottles. I signaled Ayyub and we both left. We told Aunty, “We’re going for a quick stroll …”
I’m not sure whether she understood what was on our minds, or she was indeed so naïve to believe that we were probably going for a stroll – but she didn’t even raise an eyebrow.
Together, me and Ayyub head over to the TASMAC shop (as it is called in Tamil Nadu) to buy Vodka.
Its not like I fancied vodka, but since the ladies were beginners (except Sally – who was a veteran in this field), we settled for it.
Since Ayyub had paid for the dinner, I wanted to sponsor the bottles. After a little bit of insisting on my part, he agreed.
A couple of bottles of Limca, Soda and Sprite and we were good to head back.
Obviously, we couldn’t take the drinks up to Sumitha’s place. Aunty would probably throw us all out. So, we decided to stash the stuff at Sally’s place and come back for em later into the night.
I headed up to get the apartment keys from Sally, and Ayyub stood guard downstairs. 10 mins later, we had stashed the stuff into her fridge and were back at Sumitha’s.
Everyone got together and we spent the next hour chatting about a lot of topics, ranging from the screwed up company that Diapro was to our futures, etc, etc, etc …
Around 11.00 clock, Omm and Aunty pucker up and head to the bedroom to sleep. We – Ayyub, myself, Kakku, Sally, Hasna – excuse ourselves saying we want to stay up till the stroke of 12 and head over to Sally’s apartments. Sumitha said she’d join us once Omm and mom was asleep.
Heck, I didn’t care if she came. If she didn’t – it just meant more Vodka for me. If she came – It meant more masti. After all – as the wise say – “The more the merrier!”
It was a win-win situation for me.
Once at Sally’s place, we run around to get everything in order – glasses, snacks, ice-cubes, paper, ashtrays, etc. For the non-drinkers out there – just so that you know - It’s a lot of work to organize a party. But hey – It’s worth every bit of it!
:)
Somehow, once everything was ready, I suggested that we wait for Sumitha. After all – It was she who had invited me over. And besides - she wanted to “start” boozing.
Another 20 mins later – Sumitha knocks on the door, and voila the party began!
The first-timers, Hasna and Sumitha, were very enthralled about the whole deal. The looks on their faces was the same as that you’d see on a 6 yr old when you got him his first cycle. I poured them both a large vodka, topped their glasses with Sprite.
Ayyub and me, on the other hand, preferred Vodka with Limca.
Sally – being the veteran that she was – proceeded to pour herself a double large, added some ice and some vodka.
We muttered cheers (as is the custom before drinking) and the party was officially kick started. Another 20 mins later, Sumitha, Sally and Hasna had already washed down 2 rounds each. Hasna was sitting in one corner – silent as silent can be. Whereas Sally and Sumitha – well they were making complete jokers of themselves.
It was an ecstatic visual treat - Watching Sumitha muttering all sorts of nonsensical glib. Me and Ayyub – we were still on round 1 – were thoroughly enjoying ourselves.
Well … For those who are very sharp and give importance to detail, they must’ve realized by now that I haven’t talked about Kakku in this party. Well, its for good reason. Kakku was 8 months pregnant around that time. And hence – we had forbid her from boozing. So – she was busy sitting in one corner finishing off all the chicken fry we had bought.
Another 20 mins, and the clock struck mid-night. “Yahooooooooo … 2006 is here!”
We exchanged hugs and wishes and continued with the boozing. By now, Sumitha and Sally were flat out. Sumitha could hardly stand, Sally was dancing, and even the so-far silent Hasna was opening up and muttering some nonsense.
Poor Ayyub and me… We had just got onto our second round of drinks and by then the bottle was over. The girls had emptied it.
So much for getting drunk and passing out… But bottom line – It was better to have everyone around you drunk rather than getting drunk yourself.
“Kudos to all you wonderful people … “
Another 30 mins later the party was officially over (read as there was no more Vodka or Chicken left!).
Sumitha being too drunk to walk slept on the couch. Sally and Hasna went to their rooms. I went upstairs – to Sumitha’s flat – along with Ayyub and Kakku.
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