Liar Liar - starring Pakhir Siddick

If I remember right, it was a Wednesday when I went to talk to Pak about my dilemma. But, as managers always are, he was expecting me. I walked into his cube around 11 am.

Me: “Pak … You got a minute?”
Pak: Sure … Sit down!”
Me: “Thanks …”
Pak: “What’s this about?”

I knew the bugger was feigning innocence; after all, it was just the previous day that Vrunda had asked me to talk to Pak about my concerns.

Me: “Well … It’s about the project I am in right now.”
Pak: “What about it?”
Me: “Well … Honestly – I don’t think I fit into the project. And to be even blunter, I want a release from the project!!!”
Pak: (With a completely shocked look on his face) “What are you saying? You’ve just been on this project for 4 months now. You can’t do this to me!”

His astonished look and the way he put his statements (“You can’t do this to me!”) made me go on my back foot.

Me: “I mean Pak … You see … This project is not helping me meet my career goals!”
Pak: “What goals?”
Me: “Well … I want to be in a project with scope for growth, which is very challenging, potential for recognition, and a good chance of landing me onsite! And honestly speaking, I don’t see any of those happening whilst I am on this project!”
Pak: “That’s not true. This is an excellent project.”
Me: (Slightly irritated at his stubbornness) “Maybe to you … But, I beg to differ on your viewpoint!”

Pak was a manager, and he knew better than to argue with me when I was in an agitated and irritated state. Instead, he knew the best solution was to cajole me, and that’s precisely what he did.

Pak: “See … It’s not a big deal getting into a development project. Just take a look at your friends here who are on DEV projects. They’re sweating their ass out. No sleep, no rest. Just work, work and more work. Is that what you want to get into?”
Me: “Well … I do agree to the point that they’re overworked, but they’re learning a lot of things I am not, and probably will never learn as long as I am on this project!”
Pak: “Oh … So I see, you want to learn is it. That can be solved without you having to leave the project.”
Me: “What are you talking about Pak?”
Pak: “Well … You wanted to learn stuff. There are so many internal projects we have going on in our account … I will put you as a LEAD DEVELOPER into one of those projects. That will help you learn all the latest technologies, and even a good amount of application designing and architecture.”

Muhahahaha … If Pak had done his bit of preparation and rehearsals, so had I. I knew he would try to smoulder me saying he’d put me on some stupid internal projects.

For the Non-IT crowd reading this, you probably don’t know what an Internal Project is. I’ve written in detail about that in one of my earlier chapters. Please scan back and check the same. But if you, like me, are just too lazy to do that and just want to know what the heck it means – just understand it’s a waste of ones time!!!

By now, I had become very bold (read as I was no longer bothered about trying not to offend him with my statements)

Me: “Pak … No offense meant. But, I don’t want to play any part in any of the internal projects here. At the risk of sounding rude - I’ve been onboard long enough to know that none of those projects ever take off!!!”
Pak: “How can you say that … I don’t know whether you have heard of Diapro Invoice Processing System? It is a very complex internal project that we are using!”
Me: “Ummmm … Pak … I was a developer on that project. And by the time we finished something in the project, the clients changed their billing standards and our application was scraped.”
Pak: (With a stupid look on his face, caressing his beard) “Hmmmmmmm …“
Me: “Do you have any idea how irritating and heartbreaking it is to have your 1.5 months effort scrapped without even telling you about it!!!”
Pak: “But, if clients change their business, we have no other way but to accept it.”

He went to on tell me the regular manager stuff like – “Change is the only thing that is constant” and that “One needs to adapt to change, else you’re wiped out like a slate”. I wouldn’t blame him for saying stuff like this. He was a manager, and the only things managers say is nonsensical, doesn’t-make-any-sense, bullshit like this!!!

Me: “Whatever Pak … If it were a billable client project, I don’t think things like would happen. Plus, since the requirements are a lot stricter, I get to learn a lot more things than I ever would on an internal project.”

I was building my case very well, and it was Pak who was going on his back-foot. I wanted to pat myself on my back for the wonderful job.
But, again, I repeat – Pak was a manager. And one of the manager’s key skills is to offer a fucked-up alternative solution and portray it as the best thing that could happen to me. After all, that’s how they convince all those million dollar clients to give us millions of dollars in terms of project revenue!

Pak: “What if I put you on a billable DEV project?”
Me: “I’m listening … Please tell me your plan.”
Pak: “There are a lot of billable projects going on. I can put you as a shadow resource in one of the projects. That way, you can work on those projects, and still remain billable in your current role!”

For those who don’t know what a shadow resource is, let me take a moment to explain.
To win a project/contract, our managers tell the customer that a certain project work – which would need 6 months development effort using a team of 20 skilled developers – can be done using 15 developers in 3 months time.
From the client’s perspective, they save up a lot on the billing costs. (Just a simple calc will tell you that!). And from Diapro management perspective, they’ve just sealed a contract – which means a lot more influx of cash. (But - I am tempted to say - from a developer perspective, it means HELL!!!)

Now, you’d probably wondering how does one manage to finish a project that would ordinarily take 6 months and 20 people working on it in 3 months and that too using 15 developers. This is where the shadow resources kick in. These people work on the project – unknown or known to the client – but do not get “billed”. Since these people are based of India, and also keeping in mind that Diapro pays us peanuts anyways – the extra cost incurred is negligible as compared to the risk of having lost to a competitor like Accenture or IBM.
By now, you’ve probably understood how we end up having the 20 resources needed for the project (15 Billable and 5 Shadow), but, I presume you’re wondering how 6 months work is done in 3 months or less.
Hmmmmmmm …. Good question … Let me try to explain in a lighter tone. Everyone must have done or atleast seen kids catching dragonflies and making them lift tiny pebbles. Some of the crueler kids make the dragonflies lift large boulders. Let me just say – those kids end up as excellent managers, and the poor dragonfly ends up as a software developer!!!


Now … Back to main story!


Me: “Sounds good to me. But, please, I don’t want to be put in some silly support or enhancement projects.”
Pak: “Don’t worry about that. I will put you in good development projects. But, I warn you, it would mean you’ll have to stretch and come on Saturday’s and Sunday’s.” (With a discouraging tone)
Me: “I would be happy to do that – As long as I am learning something out of these projects!”
Pak: “Just you wait. I will blow your mind with so much of work that you’ll come running to me and beg to have you released from the shadow resource roles.”
Me: “I can assure you that will not happen!”
Pak: “Let’s see about that!!!” (With a wicked grin)

By now, Pak had partly diffused the situation. I was ready to head back content with the answer, or solution as I would like to think of it, I had gotten from him.
But, I knew that Porrotta Systems Baseline Support was a shit hole. And that too a very stinking one!

So, I decided – not to fall for his managerial tricks, and to persist in my efforts and see if I could get released somehow or the other.


Me: “But Pak … that still leaves us with this project not meeting my other goals!”
Pak: “See … Once you start working on these DEV projects, and you work hard and smart enough, recognitions and promotions will come on its own!”

Damn … He had played a very smart move. I had to make a counter move soon. Else – It was check mate. And I knew precisely the trick!


Me: “It’s not the recognition I am worried about. What about me getting to go onsite. This project has a 1 year commitment. I see all my friends and batch mates and even people who joined after me flying onsite. I don’t want this project to be an iron that weighs me down when everyone is flying to abroad and making tons of cash.”
Pak: “Don’t worry about that all. Just give me a maximum of 3 months, and I will send you onsite from Porrotta Systems Baseline Support itself. Take my word for it.”

I was at a loss for words!!! I didn’t think it was possible. But, now that Pak had assured me he would send me onsite from the same project, things suddenly started looking very green.

Me: “Wow … Music to my ears! But Pak, just curious, Mandhya and Vrunda handle all the activities onsite. How do you intend to send me onsite from Porrotta Systems Baseline Support? I personally don’t see any way out”
Pak: “Why do you want to worry yourself with unnecessary things? Leave those things to me. Just understand that in another 3 to 4 months you will be flying abroad! That’s all I can assure you!”
Me: “Works with me Pak. Thanks for everything. So, just to recap, you’ll give me a notification on which DEV project I can go into in another 2 to 3 weeks time, and you’ve just told me that in another 3 – 4 months you’ll send me onsite.”
Pak: “Yup … That’s right!”
Me: “Thanks once again for your time Pak. This meeting has done a great deal to boost my morale.”
Pak: “I feel like a Shrink. But, glad to be of help?”


I hadn’t heard the term Shrink. And thinking it was something offensive or rude, I decided to pick a bone with him.


Me: “Shrink Pak???” (In a very questioning tone)
Pak: “You don’t know what a Shrink is?”
Me: “Well … No!”
Pak: “Well … They’re a sect of psychiatrist who helps people by listening to their problems and suggesting solution to resolve their issues”
Me: “Oh … Like that … So – you’re telling me I’m a nut eh?” (In a joking, more of teasing, fashion)
Pak: “Ha ha … Come on – I didn’t mean that Sharath!” (In a panicky tone!)
Me: “No worries Pak. I was just kidding.”
Pak: “Fine then … See you around!”
Me: “You too … Have a nice day ahead!”


With that, the first thing I wanted to do was to call Savita up and tell her about the news. After all, she was one of the key people who had motivated me to talk to Pak about wanting an Impromptu release.


Me: “Savita … I just spoke to Pak about my release … “
Savita: “And???”
Me: “You Guess???”
Savita: “What’s there to guess? He would’ve said No – You can’t do this to me!”
Me: “How’d you know?”
Savita: “He told me the same thing when I asked for a release after 2.9 years in the same project”
Me: “Oh … But hey … I’ve got good news. I grilled him and he agreed to send me onsite in 3 to 4 months. And in the meanwhile, he agreed to put me as a shadow resource in one of the many good DEV projects here.”
Savita: “Woooooooooooooooow … That is indeed good news. Congrats man!!!”

Although she was congratulating me, there was a tone of jealousy and anger in her tone. Maybe it was because she had been on the same project for over 3 years and had never gotten any assurances like this from Pak. Whereas, I was just 4 months into the project and I had already been assured an overseas opportunity by the senior manager in the account.
But, honestly, I didn’t give a damn what she felt. I was on top of the world, and I was planning to stay there!

Me: “Thanks a lot for the motivation to go and face Pak.”
Savita: “Anytime man.”
Me: “I better get going … I have to celebrate this.”
Savita: “Oh … Ok … Have a rocking time dude!”
Me: “Sure thing Savita … Once again – Thanks a zillion!”
Savita: “No problemo. What are friends for after all?”
Me: “Yeah … Correct. Bye then!”


With that said, I disconnected the call, got on my bike and raced home. En route, I bought a whole lot of beers for myself and my room mates. We had a gala time celebrating the news. My friends were teasing me about finally getting to go to the “United State of America” – the land of opportunity and more importantly horny babes! We were talking about how I might get “lucky” – If you know what I mean!!!


Boy – Was I in for a fucking surprise 2 months down the road!!!