Asking a girl - at work – out for a drink

After the let down on Friday, I decided, I somehow need to find a date for myself. Someone that would get me an entry into Night Club – That’s all I wanted. And now that we had practically been thrown out of one – It became a pressing ego issue. I just had to find myself a date by the following weekend.

With this notion, I head over to work on Monday. The day passes, but still no luck. Come 6 pm - I head back home thinking - “Damn … Why aren’t any of these girls good looking … All of them look like crap … And I’d be crazy to take any one of these gals to a pub with me … the bouncer would throw me out! ”

Tuesday too passes without a single ray of hope.

Come Wednesday, I realized that there was no point looking for a “good looking” girl. For all you know, there were none fitting that description in Chennai – Leave alone Diapro!

Just as Google gives optimal search results when you don’t input too many parameters, with the “good looks” parameter thrown away, I found quite a few possible dates.

:D

But, the best of the lot was a girl who had recently joined the team. A lady called – Sajay Lakshmi. She was also known as “Mokkai” In our team (Oh … that’s cause she was and probably still is very very naïve and gullible). What better target to lure into a trap eh?

Well … Another 3 hours down the lane, I knew that decision would be my grave – But let me not blow the suspense right away. Let me detail the whole process step by step.

I walk over to her cube, and make chit chat. Ask her whether she wants to head out for a coffee. And gladly, she agrees. “Wow … Plan A is working … This must be your lucky day Sharath!” was what my mind was saying to me.

10 mins into the coffee break, she was talking freely, no inhibitions et al. Well, before anyone has any queries about what we were talking about, let me clarify – I don’t know … I wasn’t listening! It’s a little trick I learnt over the years. Pretend to be listening (if you don’t – they’ll say you aren’t understanding enough and don’t have time for them, etc, etc, etc). In short, I was just shaking my head and pretending to be interested in her glib!

But hey, can you blame me for that? When a girl starts talking, she practically never stops. She goes on and on and on ... And this girl – I realized about 30 odd mins into the conversation that she was bitching about something?

I remember reading somewhere that when a girl comes to with her problems, she does so because she trusts you enough to reveal them. And this girl was bitching away to glory about everything under the sun. “Definitely a good sign … Yaaaaaaaaaay!!!”

For a min there, I was dreaming of boozing and dancing at Dublin on Friday. It was magical!!!

“Ok … Enough of her nonsense … time to move in for the kill!!!” - With this notion, I give her a couple of more mins to yap away, and then I pitch the question – “Hey ...What are you doing this weekend?”

For those people who’re experts at getting dates – Probably the above blatant statement sounds dumb. But, in my defense – I’m no James Bond. I’m relatively new to this field you see! And hence – I am allowed to make mistakes, and learn from them!

Her reply was – “Nothing much … Just sitting at home … Catching up on some sleep … Washing the clothes … Watch some TV/Movies … That’s about all! Why?”

This was my cue - and I decided to capitalize on it. “Well … There is this awesome night club called Dublin … I was planning to hit it on Friday … Do you want to join me?”

Naïve as she was, she asks me – “Night Club? What’s that?”

“Well … It’s a place where you can go have a drink or two, and there is a dance floor, and some mind blowing music!”

The look on her face said everything …

Have you ever realized that when you’ve done a big big big and stupid mistake, and you know you’re going to get whacked in the face for that – time seems to slow down … And in my case – time had done just that!

The look on her face was nothing short of demonic. I am struggling for a better, more vile and fiendish word. But, unfortunately, since I can’t find anything better – let’s leave it at that!

Seriously, it was as so scary, that if SATAN had seen it, he’d have shit in his pants. Embers were sparkling in her eyes … Smoke was coming out of her ears (ok … I’m lying about the smoke part. But hey – it goes with the overall scenario!)

If you still haven’t been able to understand the “look” she was giving me – Try to recollect all those “bakthi” movies you saw when you were a kid. Remember, there used to be this bit –right towards the end of the movie - where “Goddess Kali” comes out in a very very scary looking avatar of hers’ and chopped her enemy’s neck off!

Well … Give Mokkai a few more pairs of hands (Goddess Kali has 6 pairs of hands - if I am not mistaken) and a weapon to wield in each of those hands – and I was practically looking at the goddess herself!

Before I could recover from the shock of her Medusa glare, she shouts at me (yes – I meant shouts!) – “What the hell do you think of me … I come from a good family … How dare you ask me out for a drink … I don’t do any such nonsense … #$@$@#$%!@#$#@%@%@T#$%”

I don’t remember rest of the profanity (read as don’t want to tell the rest of the swearing I heard). But, heck – it was pretty much the worst scolding I had ever got from anyone – let alone a girl. And all for what – asking her out for a drink?

:-(

After another 15 mins of full fledged shelling – which I, unfortunately, had to take lying down – she calmed down and went inside (read as gave me a despicable “you-sick-prick” look, and stormed inside the office).

First the Bouncer throws us out … Now this girl skull fucks me for asking her out for a date … Could it get any worse!

At that point – I made a startling realization … Men are not born Gay - Its situations like this make him Gay.

:D

And oh yes – before I forget. Remember the bit, about reading a book where it says something about “If a girl opens up to you, she probably likes you a lot”. Well, I’m still hunting for that book. And once I find out who the author is – HE’S GONNA HEAR FROM MY LAWYER!!!

(I’m going to sue him for writing such a stupid article. It had almost cost me my life!)

Hitting a Night Club – And getting thrown Out!

Well, now that I finally had received my salary, it was party time. So, I head over home and make plans with my roomies – John, Sanju, and Thomas Kuriachan aka Thommi – To hit a night club the upcoming weekend.

Now, before I proceed any further, let me introduce my room mates one by one.

Subeel (aka Jabar): An die hard playboy, Jabar claims, he doesn’t have to try to hard to flirt with girls. As per him – “I'm a natural at this!”

Trust me, his exploits while we were at Chennai make for an interesting book of its own.

Navaneet (aka GayM): The brainy and very spiritual types. He is a man of few words. But when he does open his mouth and crack that rare joke or two – he brings the whole house down.

Bino Babu (aka Binna): A pukka malayali in aspects of life. He sports a thick moustache which he claims to be his sexual appeal/USP.

John John Kocherry (aka Thaddiyann aka Achayyan aka Jo Jo Ko): This guy is one helloffa character. Comes from a freaking rich family, but his humble and down-to-earth demeanor would put even the austere Warren Buffet to shame. Well built, handsome, a born entertainer. But … He has a little problem – When it comes to girls – he’s a complete dud!!!
Take my word for it – when someone of the fairer sex comes close to John – he acts like a complete dodo!

(It took me a looooooooooooot of hard work and training to get him to master the art of flirting. Now, he is happily studying in the USA)

Thomas Kuriachan (aka Thommi) : The typical computer nerd. 101% genius - 1.01 % Fitness Freak. Thats Thommi!

Sanju (aka Kurzhi Maddiyann): – If you’re wondering what his nick name means – Its slang for “Lazy Bum” in Malayalam. The laziest guy I’ve ever met.

Unfortunately – were never too lucky with people of the other sex (read as none of us had/have/and probably will never have Girl Friends!).

But, in our defense, it’s not because we didn’t try hard enough. It was because – the right set of girls never came our way.

I mean – we weren’t asking for too much!

After all – all we were demanding is that - the girls don’t expect a serious relation from us. Neither were we interested in shelling money on them (outings and phone calls cost a lot of cash – and at the best we wanted to do them on a Dutch basis). We didn’t want to listen to their nonsense yapping all the time!

But, we were willing to take them out to pubs and night clubs, if they paid their bills i.e.

:P

Now you know why we blokes were so unsuccessful with the damsels. With a requirement set like the one above – no wonder we never landed ourselves any dates (forget dates, we never chatted with any girl for more than 5 mins. And in those 5 mins, it was the typical – “Hi … howz life … howz work … How was your appraisal/hike … Going onsite anytime soon? Ok then … Bye Bye!”)

So, back to where I left the story – The night club plans!

That following Friday, I – and the guys – rushed home by 7 pm, just so that we can hit the night club early. We definitely did not want to miss out on any of the action (read as didn’t want to miss any of the hot chicks that hit these happening spots!)

All dressed and perfumed and gelled, we decide to head over to a place called Dublin – which was supposedly the most happening night club in Chennai. A testosterone overloaded 10 mins drive, and voila – we were at the basement parking lot of Park Sheraton (that’s where the aforesaid club is).

We 4 – me, John, Sanju, and Thommi (the rest of my roomies don’t booze) - head over to the reception and ask for directions to Dublin, and once we get the same, we head over to the direction she pointed. The lobby was majestic. It was awesome even!

But heck – I wasn’t here for the view of the hotel. I was here for the chicks… And you should have seen the party going crowd - “The babes were off the hook!!!”

At the entrance of Dublin was this huuuuuuuuuuge guy. One look at his biceps, and me – actually all of us – knew that we didn’t want to mess with this guy. He could practically tear me apart without even trying.

But hey – I wasn’t here for anything nasty – so why worry! I stepped up to him, and whispered (you can’t blame me for that – I was still piss scared of that fellow) “Entry for 4?”

To which he gives us a wicked stare and says – “Sir, this is a night club, and entry is only for couples!”

Pooooooooooof …. My dreams of dancing with hot chicks just vanished into thin air. And given the size of the guy – aka bouncer – standing in front of me, I didn’t have the guts to say “Please … Can you let us in!”, leave alone picking up a fight.

With a heavy heart, the four of us head over to our regular watering hole – a place called Star Rock.

“The drinks here are too expensive … Besides Star Rock plays awesome music …” – These were the reasons I was trying to tell myself, in a vain attempt to convince myself that it was not so bad after all … All was not lost !

Same old Fox and the Grapes Story eh …